


we'll take on the world

by ivoryjackalope



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-10
Updated: 2020-07-25
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:00:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 27,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25189087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ivoryjackalope/pseuds/ivoryjackalope
Summary: It’s been three months since the game ended. Whatever that mess of a final battle was, it’s over now. And luckily for you, you got to have your head reattached to your neck just in time to suffer through it all.You were expecting to have a little piece and quiet for once, after that complete shitshow ended. Being alone has kind of been your speed for your entire life, so falling back into that should've be the right thing to do. What you weren't expecting after everything was a new friend, or to be able to make back the old ones. You'd messed up just enough to think you didn't really deserve anyone anymore. So you weren't expecting to be given a second chance. And least of all, you really weren't expecting to fall for the one who helped you get it.
Relationships: John Egbert/Dirk Strider
Comments: 32
Kudos: 81





	1. Chapter 1

CHAPTER 1: Dirk.

It’s been three months since the game ended. Whatever that mess of a final battle was, it’s over now. And luckily for you, you got to have your head reattached to your neck just in time to suffer through it all. 

It wasn’t quite horrible when it all started out, of course. These things never are. You’re eased into a false sense of safety, a meetup a few times a week with everyone you care about, you even got your old apartment back so, all you could ever want. You’re a God, technically speaking, so you guess that's supposed to be the joy of it all. But you know these things are always too good to be true, that’s why the phrase exists in the first place. You’ve always had a solid control on your surroundings, an ability to adapt to everything that’s been thrown at you. But that's where the problem lies, when things STOP being thrown at you. You don’t just stop adapting, or stop having the feelings you did while you were. Everything is so fucking NORMAL here, and it’s driving you crazy. You’ve tried to ease yourself out of it, spend more time alone like the old days, but nothing’s the same now. Not you, not your friends, nothing. You can’t even bring yourself to speak to them now. Either way, it seems like they’re happy all the same without you. As they should be. You’re the problem, you're the reason no one wants to talk to you anymore. You’ve always been so sick of yourself, and look at you now. Holed up in your own old apartment, trying to grasp some semblance of yourself. Chasing after another splinter.

You look around your room, which has the same old posters, your weapons, the puppets, everything. You could probably use some redecorating. Or to get out of bed and do anything in general. The sun is blazing, screaming its’ late afternoon light through the sides of the blinds covering your window. Your eyes aren’t used to being open for so long, not during the day at least. You decide to sit up, and check your messages. You sit in front of your computer, turning on the screen. It’s been running a bit slower from all this time being left alone, but it still works. You’ll have to get it running faster when you have the motivation to.

You look at the screen. Dave’s messaged you a couple of times since you were online last, asking what you were up to, then again to check up, then asking you if you’re okay. It seems like lately you’re the only one who’s not okay. You send him a response back,  
TT: I’ve been working lately. Lots of big projects to catch up on.  
Like that's not the biggest lie you’ve told in a month.  
TT: I’ll be back out soon so don't worry about me.  


You close the message box and sigh. You can’t drag Dave into this. You already know there's a version of you that's let him down to an unbelievable level. You just feel bad that you’ve forced him to care about you. Like an asshole.  
You appreciate that he’s there to talk to. It’s hard not to, when there really aren’t a lot of people left. Roxy was always so fun to talk to, but. It makes you hurt, when you talk to her now. She thought you were disappointed in her, when you were really the disappointment for being a dick to her for so long. She’s always deserved the best and, well. You’re the fucking worst. Rose reached out to you as well, a few weeks ago, but you weren’t dumb enough to fall into her therapy trap and excused yourself from that debacle. You haven’t heard from Jake, or Jane either, on that matter. You dont blame either of them. It wasn't like you really got off on the best hoof. Jane and you were doing better towards the end, but she just stopped reaching out or replying after a while. You think..at this point, they're just doing what's best. The right thing, because if you were them, we'll. You wouldn't want to deal with you either. You left your laptop open and sunk back into your bed, not tired at all but too fucked emotionally to do anything other than sleep.  
So you sleep.

By the time you wake up again, you’ve gotten another message. You stand up shakily, falling over into a wall from dizziness. Shit, when was the last time you ate? You remember not wanting to get food, and your diet has been pretty weak since coming back in general, as you've run out of years-old energy drinks and have been living off pretty much tap water and room-temperature, week old pizza. You sit down at your computer. Things are finally coming back into focus, but it's still fuzzy around the edges. The text is blue. Jane? You click on the notification, anxious but almost excited at the same time. If you had any food in your stomach you might have thrown up by now.  
You realize upon reading the text that it's not Jane, not by a long shot. First of all, the text is the wrong shade of blue, darker and, to be honest, a bit easier on the eyes. Secondly, his names’ right there.  
EB: hey dirk! It’s john.  
EB: I guess I never really got around to saying hi to you, other than a timeline you don't really remember.  
EB: I know you're all kinds of busy with your projects, but if you have a chance i think everyone really wants to see you. We made cake! EB: Well, jane made cake. As she does.  
That part almost makes you smile, as much as it makes you sad. You're remembering just how much you miss her now.  
EB: And dave misses you too. I know he hasn't said it because he's the coolest guy ever but i just know. They all miss you a lot!  
Your heart drops a little.  
EB: Sometime when you're not busy i think it would make them really happy to hear from you.  
That hurts even more.  
EB: Okay thats all i had to say, so  
EB: I'll talk to you later Dirk!  
He stopped messaging you then, a couple of hours ago. Seems he sent the last message to you around midnight.  
You take some time consciously trying not to think about it, and actively failing while you look for something to eat. After staring at the messages for what felt like hours, you finally reply.


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2: john.

To be honest, you thought playing the game was going to prepare you for everything. You mean, you’ve died more times than you can count, you’ve made friends, and most importantly, you and most of your friends made it out of there alive- so, hypothetically? You should be prepared for everything and anything.  
But you weren’t expecting everything to be so LOUD.

You feel like you can kind of understand how terezi feels, when she can smell colors or whatever. The world feels so loud, and everyone seems so bright. Everything’s perfect in the worst way. 

You’re sitting next to Roxy and Calliope, as they talk to each other. They’re both the current culprits of this blinding brightness, as Calliope shows Roxy their latest piece. Roxy squeals and takes her hand, gushing about how “totes adorbs” it is. It’s sweet, and nice, and it makes you so happy to see Roxy happy, too. 

There’s just a part of it that doesn’t feel real. Like you’re stuck in a photograph and if everyone doesn’t keep smiling, it won’t be a good picture anymore, or something, You start getting that aching feeling in your chest, like something’s pressing down on you, and you can’t breathe. Everyone is so happy, and it almost feels like a sick joke. People are dead. Vriska’s still out there. They're in a new world, and it’s perfect, and.

And you’re not happy.

You look at Roxy, who’s just pulled Calliope into a tight embrace for probably the fifth time since you got here. Just a couple nights ago she was worried to tears about her friend, but she seems fine now. Like everyone is letting go so easy, moving on, going forward.  
And you’re getting left behind. 

You take out your phone again, and check your Pesterchum. You’d done something different last night, and messaged Dave’s bro after hearing how messed up Roxy was feeling, and Jane too. You’d gone to sleep anxious that you’d crossed a line with not only him, but Dave, but when you checked back in the morning, he’d surprisingly pestered you back.

TT: What a surprise.  
TT: You’re right, I’ve never heard from you once before.  
TT: But I do know who you are.

Right off the bat, he’s sounding super cryptic or something. You can tell he and Rose have probably had some good conversations.

TT: And I suppose you do have a point. It’s just rather hard for me to leave my apartment at the moment.  
TT: I’m not quite sure how far I’d make it. 

You weren’t exactly sure what this was supposed to mean, but you kept reading.

TT: John, I’m not going to beat around the friendship bush here. I’ve made a lot of mistakes, and frankly, I don’t think I could stand to make that many more. I’m more than aware that my actions towards others have hurt them more than helped them, and to be frank, I think anyone who knows what’s right for them would steer clear of me altogether. 

This is where he’d left off before you caught up with him.

EB: isn’t that kind of mean?  
TT: What do you mean?  
EB: i mean, you can’t blame people for wanting to be friends with you!  
EB: you became friends for a reason right? you all liked each other, and liked being friends with each other, at least jane and roxy like being friends with you!  
TT: I think you should stop trying to act like you know more about me than you do.  
EB: i guess.  
EB: but you know,  
EB: i don’t think you’re as bad as you like to tell people, dirk.  
TT: And why would you think that?  
TT: You don’t know me. Or anything about me.  
EB: i know that most bad guys don’t have to tell other people that they’re bad, for one.  
EB: that would be like, bad writing or something. Aren’t villains just supposed to be jerks and thats it?  
EB: if every time a bad guy came on screen they yelled “IM BAD!!!” or something like that i think it would be a pretty lame movie.  
EB: and i don't see you about to blow off a stuffed bunny’s head like cyrus so  
EB: i’m gonna say ur not a bad guy.  
TT: …  
EB: are you the bad guy, Dirk?  
TT: …  
TT: You know, John.  
TT: I knew you were a nerd, but that was just unbelievable.  
TT: I’m actually fucking impressed with how much of a dork you are.  
EB: hey!!!  
EB: i was trying to help you feel better!  
TT: I know.  
EB: …………  
TT: Thank you.  
EB: …:B!

You looked over the texts again. You didn’t want to bother him more, but he hadn’t quite given you an answer. But he didn’t seem completely put off by the idea of talking to you, either. You decide to try again.

EB: so is that a no on cake?  
TT: It’s a no to me leaving my apartment, for now.  
EB: do you not like cake?  
TT: John, it’s not about the damn-  
TT: Le sign. Yes John, I like cake. Thank you for asking. Literally everyone likes cake.  
EB: thats not true!  
TT: Do you not like cake?  
EB: ...guess who’s turn it is to answer the question! not mine!!!  
TT: You’re a heathen. You’re a nerd and a heathen, and you don’t like cake.  
TT: Am I correct?  
EB: do you want the cake or not???  
TT: Yeah, I’ll take the cake.  
TT: Like you do when playing in the Nerd-olympics.  
EB: oh, sick burn!!! I was wondering when I’d see the Dave in you!!! you're so funny ahahahaha!!!!!!!!  
EB: (that was sarcasm, just so you know.)  
EB: just. hang tight, i’ll be right there.  
TT: Wait shit right now?  
TT: John?  
TT:  
TT: Fucking shit bitches.

You look over at Calliope and Roxy. They’re already so consumed in one another that you suppose they wouldn’t even notice if you’d just left. You tell them anyway, and Roxy almost immediately apologizes, thinking you were feeling left out. To be honest, you WERE, but you told her that something came up. You weren’t sure if you should tell her what, per se, until you knew what was going on with Dirk. She lets you go with a sad smile and you promise to check up with her later. She perks up a little, giving you a quick hug before you head out. Roxy truly gives the best hugs. 

You zap over to your sort-of dad’s home to pick up one of the million cakes lying around. Seriously, who needs to make this much cake? The entire house smells like the Pillsbury Doughboy’s butthole exploded, and then maybe died. Jane doesn’t even notice you as she pulls out another cake, flour powdering her face. Or should you say caked her face? Heheh, that was a good one. You yell out that you’re heading out and you hear Jake reply from the living room, “See you later old chum! Don’t chew have too mumch fun without us!!” His voice sounds half-muffled, so you imagine he’s eating cake too. 

It’s the fourth time this week that he’s come over, and you suspect that Jane’s been kicking up the ol ovens to show him what she can do. Love sure does drive people nuts sometimes. It makes you relieved that you’re not in love yourself! You couldn’t imagine baking so many cakes. 

You zap over to Dirk’s place. You have a weird feeling like this is the right thing to do, as you take in a deep breath. Maybe it's the idea of doing something different for once, rather than being a third wheel to Roxy and Calliope all the time, but a part of you is super nervous, and definitely excited. You gulp down the anticipation like a breath of fresh air. You’re gonna do it! 

You’re gonna just… knock on the door. Just like this.  
… 

You’re absolutely terrified. You consider just going back home. You wonder whether Roxy and Callio- nope. You’re not going back there. You decide you’re going in, whether you like it or not.  
You balance the cake on one hand and knock on the door quickly with the other, to the tune of “shave and a haircut”, naturally. You hold your breath as you wait outside, rocking on your heels as time passes. Did it get hot out here? Oh, you’re sweating, great. Has it been a minute already? You think you hear shuffling. Oh god, this is your last chance to get out, isn’t it. You’re halfway through turning around to make a run for it- and the door swings open, Dirk leaning into the doorframe. He’s out of breath, and his hair is sopping wet. 

“John.” You freeze in your tracks. He shifts, like he’s trying to see around you.

“Wait, you weren’t going to leave the cake? Damn, thats cold.”

fuck.


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3: Dirk. 

EB: just. hang tight, i’ll be right there.  
TT: Wait shit right now?  
TT: John?  
TT: Fucking shit bitches.

And fucking shit bitches was right, because as it stands at this moment, John could be here any second. Which means you have approximately no fuckin’ time to clean your apartment. So, yeah. 

Fucking shit bitches. 

You start by getting all of your laundry out of the way, because your entire house has become a laundry basket in the past couple months. If laundry was basketball, your floor was the hoop, and every left out piece of clothing spread about was giving you mad fucking points. Or whatever they’re called in basketball. You do as good a job as you can clearing the floor before realizing that something fucking stinks. You take a quick whiff and holy SHIT, when was the last time you took a shower. You look around, deciding that as long as the entryway was clean, you shouldn’t have to worry TOO much, and get your ass into the shower. You’re halfway through washing your hair before the water even gets hot, and you realize that you probably won't even have time for gel. Fuck. Why the FUCK does he have to come now, when you’re such a fucking wreck?? You scrub the shit out of your armpits and finish washing off, getting dressed in your black tank top and skinny jeans. Shit, they’re actually loose. You didn’t think that was possible, since they’ve been spending the past few years suffocating you. You open the window to help with whatever lingering smell is left. You leave the bathroom, and look onto the kitchen counter. Wow, that's a lot of pizza. You take the empty boxes and throw them into your room. Okay, clean. You put on your shades, and it seems like Hal’s sent you a couple messages. 

TT: Dirk.  
TT: I don’t want to interrupt your pamper time, but it seems like you have a guest. 

You halfway run to the door, taking a second to compose yourself. You swing the door open, leaning against the door. If you lost points for being late, you definitely just lost more, because you look like an asshole. Hal had had some impeccable timing, because John seemed like he was just about to leave. 

Shit, you remember, this is the part where you talk. 

“John.” You say. Fucking fantastic start, like he doesn’t already know his name. You feel like you're going to pass out for an excess of reasons. You shift to get a better look at him, as he seemed like he was trying to make a run for it. Fuck, you should have let him go. You notice that he’s still holding the cake. 

“Wait, you weren’t going to leave the cake? Damn, that's cold.”

Wow, would you look at that. Your foot has gone from being on the floor, to being in your mouth! What a fucking idiot. You’re an idiot, Dirk. 

John finally turns all the way towards you. He looks like about as much of a nerd as he sounds like, and to be honest he was the last person you’d expect to be at your door right now. He looks nervous, and you realize you’re probably intimidating the shit out of him. 

God, why can’t you just fucking talk normally to people. 

John holds out the cake to you, and you take it. You walk inside your apartment, leaving the door open. If the awkwardness doesn’t take him out then maybe whatever smell is left will. You catch a whiff of the air as you walk in, and it seems to be no longer a problem. Shit. You place the cake on the counter and turn around, and Shit Part 2: The Shittening begins, because John is in here too. You compose yourself through the dizziness and offer him a seat on your freshly cleaned couch. He takes it, while watching you get a couple paper plates and forks from your cabinet. You rinse off the forks just in case they’re dusty. You give him a piece and he just sort of..looks at you. You sit down next to him. He doesn’t touch the cake, just sorta..keeps looking. You start to wonder if there’s something on your face or something, and your cheeks flush from embarrassment. You cover your face as your brain begins to short circuit, thinking about how and what exactly you might have done wrong already. Maybe, maybe you just fucking showered but you missed a spot, or you still smell bad, you have a shirt stain, or you- Ooooh. Oh, yeah. You turn to John, sighing with a wry smile, which is directed more at yourself than at him. 

“You don’t like cake.” You finally say, looking back up at him.  
His face goes from somber to the brightest fucking smile you’ve ever seen, and he begins to giggle, like actually giggle, like a kid.  
“heheheh... you got it!! I thought you’d completely forgotten- oh my god you should have seen your face. i thought you were going to shit yourself!!! you- you,, hehehe!!!!!!!!” He’s giggling his ass off over the dumbest thing you’ve done in weeks. You regret everything. 

“Yeah, yeah Egbert, you got me there.” You roll your eyes, but something about how hard he’s laughing takes the edge off your mistake.  
He looks at you, like he's waiting for you to say something funny. 

“I wanted two pieces of cake anyway, so.” He’s absolutely grinning his head off, already, as you take both plates. 

This fucking kid. 

He keeps you company through the rest of the afternoon, and even though you were dreading every moment before he was there, he doesn’t actually seem so bad. Like, he’s fucking horrible, his taste in movies is shit, and his crush on Nic Cage is actually the most idiotic thing you’ve ever heard, but he’s not a bad guy. Likes old music, plays piano, and crazily enough has maybe one good joke for every ten he makes. He even asked about you too- even though he had some scathing remarks about some of your interests, which he quickly shut up about when you explained exactly why you liked them. He’d sat there, looking at you like you had eight heads, and just before you were about to change the topic, he simply said, “okay!” You had no idea what that was supposed to mean, but you nodded along. You’re just about crashing from the sugar when he suggests that y’all do something other than just talk- which is absolutely something you’re up for, because if this guy talks about Mconneghey for one more second you might punch his stupid buck teeth in. In a nice way. When he talks about getting pizza, you groan and he laughs. Damn, does this kid laugh at everything? You noticed his laugh is sort of like a bell, or wind chimes or something. You get why he’s the breath player. You wonder if a side effect of his god tier is permanent good breath or something, because that might be pretty impressive. You decide on wings instead of pizza and get both normal ones and spicy ones, after John was dumb enough to challenge you against spicy food. It turned out that even though you had strong Texan genes, a lifetime of fish was NOT preparation enough for hot wings, and you spent a solid 5 minutes drinking from the tap while John kept saying they, “weren’t even that hot.” Bullshit. 

After arguing for approximately 10 minutes(Dave would have known how long for sure) about what movie to watch, you both settled on SBAHJTM, because who DOESN’T love those movies. They’re classics. And for John, he’d never really seen any of them before, so you were sure he was going to love it. 

He excuses himself to get some popcorn and zaps out of your living room. Hmm. You forgot he could do that. You sit down while he’s gone and the emptiness finally starts to hit you, first in small bits, then all at once. It had been so long since you had company that you forgot how it felt to not be alone, how sometimes..its not all bad. You think maybe his laugh wasn’t so bad, and you hoped you weren’t messing things up here, either-you haven’t seen anyone in a long while, were you fucking up?? He seems to be your in to getting on good terms with your old friends, so you realize you probably should have spent more time buttering him up than insulting him. Of course, that had its repercussions, too. What if this kid decided he didn’t want to go, and you ended up with another friend you’d be mortally terrified of hurting? Another friend with high expectations that you just know you’ll never be able to meet. Another friend to disappoint, another friend to lose..John didn’t seem like the kind to get offended too easily, unless it’s about his lord and savior Nic Cage, of course, but you know you’d manage to fuck it up somehow. You always do. There’s something about him that reminds you of Jake, too, even if you hate to admit it. The way he manages to be so happy all the damn time, and it claws away at you. It makes you so jealous, that someone can just be so happy all the damn time. Your head begins to spiral, thinking why can’t I just be happy, why do I always, without fail, make sure that I’m miserable. How does he, having been through just as much shit as you have, manage to laugh so easily?  
Why can’t you?

You’re shaking again, even though you’re not even hungry anymore, by the time he comes back. Even with your hypervigilant mind, you missed his appearance until he was done zapping in and was kneeling in front of you, with two bags of popcorn made. This shocks you a bit, and you give yourself a mental note to save your breakdown for later. You stand up, heart still racing and chest heaving, and walk over to the cabinet, to give John a bowl. He takes it and pours the popcorn into it as you sit back down to watch the movie. You count slowly and extend the time you breathe to slow your heart, which works, just slowly. John sits next to you, half sitting and half curled up into the couch, leaving the bowl between the both of you. He’s made no mention of how weird you are, or creepy, or annoying, or rude, but all the same you mentally prepare yourself for the worst. 

You sneak another glance at John, who almost seems like he’s made himself at home. He senses you watching him and gives you a soft smile, which confuses you more than comforts you, but..still comforts you, in a way. It’s like he’s telling you, “it’s okay”, just without the words. The lights are dimmed and the movie begins to play, and the remaining anxiety that was in the air was calmed by the familiar shots of the movie. You know this. You’ve been here, it’s..okay.  
You’re okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want everyone to have their own pairing but I'm not sure who Jade would be with. Might go wild and bring some dead trolls back idk lovelies


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4: John.

After about a couple hours of light banter and general comedic genius(from you of course), you feel a bit less nervous and a bit more comfortable with Dave’s bro. You always felt like there was something weird about not knowing people, and then finally meeting them. You’d heard a bit about Dave’s old bro when he was younger, and about how he was such apparently such a cool guy, but meeting this version of him definitely broke some of that for you. Plus the prince pants, those were so lame. 

But even though he has horrible takes on movies, he doesn’t suck so bad. You can get why Roxy and Jane like being around him, and even though he’s a bit of a nervous wreck he seems to care a lot about them, even if he’s really good at hiding it. You mentioned Roxy to him once and realized he probably misses her too- so you make a note to find out when they’re both free. 

This is definitely the first time you’ve felt less like a third wheel to your friends and more like an actual friend to someone, though you suppose it's probably way too early to be calling yourself friends with Dirk. He’s hacking in the kitchen sink, since you absolutely showed him that you are the spice champion of all time.  
“I demand…a rematch…” He manages to cough, and you wonder if he’s lactose intolerant because he looks so silly bent over the kitchen sink and milk would have helped him in half the time. Next time you’ll have to put a bet on it since you did so well, maybe you can get a sweet sword you don’t know how to use. Nothing says “I beat Dave’s legendary older brother” like a sword on the wall. 

After he’s done hacking up a lung, you excuse yourself and zap back home for popcorn. You had decided to watch SBAHJTM for the first time, and it's bound to be amazing, so you needed at least a couple bags of popcorn to pass the night. You zap into the kitchen, which somehow was filled with even more cakes than earlier. 

“Back so soon, ol chap? Who’s the lucky lady?” Jake greets you as soon as he sees your zappy- glow. 

“Dirk!!” You reply, while scouring the cupboard. 

Jake takes a spit-take and Jane becomes very quiet. 

“Where’s the damn popcorn...here!” You grab the back and throw it in the microwave. You walk into the living room where both of them are sitting in the dark, very close to one another. 

“You know,” you start, watching them both, “he misses you guys. he didn’t say it but I think he didn’t have to.” Jane shifts slightly, and Jake looks away. The microwave beeps and you throw the second bag in. 

“I think it would be really cool if you reached out to him! I think he’d really appreciate it.”

You look back at them for a second. Jake looks worried and Jane just looks...sad. You sigh, then zap back to Dirk’s place. You hope they’ll at least think about it.  
Once you’ve zapped back, it looks like Dirk’s gotten himself into a bit of a funk- his head is in his hands and he’s breathing kind of hard- you let some of your windy powers fill the air just in case, but you suspect that he’s got a little bit more going on than just hard breathing. You kneel in front of him, in a respectful distance, but close enough to see through his hands to his face. His light brows are furrowed, and his hands look like they could dig into his face- you reach out your hand to grab it when he snaps out of it. He looks up and resolves himself, though his chest is still heaving. You don’t say anything, just take the bowl he gives you and fills it with the popcorn. You settle next to him on the couch, you taking one corner and him taking the other. It’s gotten dark by now, the perfect lighting and ambiance for a Strider film. There’s just a little light left to the sky to see his face, and you can tell that he’s watching you, so you turn to him and give him a reassuring smile, and as soon as you do, he looks back at the screen, starting the movie and you can sense that he’s breathing easier, so you stop clearing the air and relax with him. The first 10 minutes or so are a montage of sweet bro and hella jeff falling down some stairs in pure cinematic glory, the height of film genius and also just really funny. The next scene begins, following an old joke from the good old days-it had been so long since you’d heard them, too. Last time you cracked a SBAJH joke, Rose had told you that “..with maturing you had to let go of old jokes..” or something like that. Which is totally stupid, because these jokes are so cool. Along with the lines, you hear soft mumbling. You ignore it, taking it as part of the movie and listen to their repeated hug bumps, before hearing it again, and you hear Dirk shift next to you a little. You glance over at him and see he’s watching intently, reciting the entire dialogue as it plays. You listen in, for a few seconds-It’s actually impressive how well he knows all the words, and you eventually start to tune out Ben Stiller in favor of Dirk’s impressions, and all the other characters for that matter. You listen to him and move in a little closer so that you can hear better, taking handfuls of popcorn between artifact breaks. He even seems to know the staging of the film to some degree- how many times has he seen this movie, exactly? 

At some point an entire other movie seems to be shot in, for 20 minutes or so- and Dirk seems to study this part, only mumbling the words under his breath now. He reaches for some popcorn at the same time you do and your hands touch, and he swats yours away with a loud SLAP!, eyes still glued to the screen. You sit in a couple seconds in shock before a laugh threatens to escape you, and you choke on it, and Dirk turns to face you, wide eyed. He looks at his own popcorn-filled hand and then your empty one, which still hasn’t left the bowl. Both of your shocked eyes meet and you think he might be thinking the same as you- He pieces what’s happened together, looking horrified, as if he’d just done something unforgivable,and you laugh, reassuring him that it was okay-and his fear breaks, and he snorts- losing his composure completely to half laugh, half clarify what the fuck just happened. 

“I, I think you just solved rom-coms, Dirk,” You say while almost wheezing.  
He’s noticed that your hand is bright pink and takes it in his own.  
“I don’t know, John. I think I made them better. Imagine the plot if everyone got bitch slapped over some popcorn. No more awkwardness, just pure power moves-” He flips your hand over and checks the other side- ”Do we put ice on this?”

You laugh again, shaking your head as you final wind down from the sheer absurdity of what just happened enough to sit back and watch the movie again. 

You peek over at Dirk a few minutes later, and you think, just maybe, you see the ghost of a smile. 

Half an hour later, the end credits start to play and Dirk’s gone quiet, as you turn to him to ask him what’s next. You look over and he’s curled up at the end of the couch, asleep. D’aww. You take the popcorn bowl, throwing out the kernels and filling the bowl with water. You’re not sure if washing dishes will wake him up or not, so you promise to wash dishes next time you come over. 

You look around for something to cover him with, and shut the window so he doesn’t get a chill. You consider putting his hand in a cup of warm water... no, that's too evil. Next time, you say to yourself. Next time. Instead, you take off your hoodie and lay it over him, sitting down next to him to write out some messages. 

EB: hey dirk! i'm about to go home but i didn’t want to leave without saying goodbye.  
EB: You’re all tuckered out like a baby so i figured i should probably head out. you’re drooling and everything it’s so gross hehehe.  
You think for a couple minutes before writing out your next message.  
EB: you know Dirk, i think it’s been a long time since i’ve had this much fun! To be honest it's seemed like everyone has just gone and found their own lives here but today i really felt like i was able to just have a nice time! I hope that’s not too weird of a thing to say.  
EB: Anyway good night! I hope you sleep well, dirk, you should probably get off the couch before your neck cramps up though.

After that, you zap back home, where Jane and Jake have curled up to fall asleep on the couch, closer than before. You smile gently, feeling only a twinge of jealousy for the lovebirds. You curl up into bed, after scrolling through social media for a while. You realized you’ve missed a few messages from Roxy, and check up on her too. 

TG: johnnnn  
TG: i know its been a few hours so i wanted to check up on ur thing  
TG: how was ur thing???  
TG: lmao  
TG: anyways hmu when youre back from thingin  
TG: ill be here :3

EB: hey Roxy!  
EB: sorry i was gone so long i went to bring Dirk some cake? wow that still feels weird to say  
EB: fun fact, he likes Janes cooking  
TG: john!!!!!  
TG: oh hell yeah who doesnt love some o janes cooking  
TG: shes the bomb dot com  
TG: master chef extraordinaire  
TG: bootylicious baker  
TG: this list can go on for a while lolol  
EB: im not sure how i feel about you calling my sister bootylicious? but everything else is cool :B  
TG: hell yeh  
TG: *yeah  
TG: but uh  
TG: how is he  
TG: dirk i mean  
EB: he’s doing okay  
EB: i think he misses you, even though he didnt say it  
EB: he seemed really lonely  
EB: maybe you should try and say hi?  
TG: you think so??  
TG: i guess youre right then  
TG: i dont think it would hurt at least  
TG: damn ive been hells of occupied tryin to be a good friend  
TG: and then i forget to do it  
EB: hey, it happens!  
EB: thanks, roxy.  
TG: for what :?  
EB: i dont know, just listening i guess?  
EB: youre a really good friend.

You see your screen light up. Someone else is pestering you. 

EB: im gonna head to bed soon, dont stay up to late okay?  
TG: okaaayyy  
TG: luv u <3  
EB: you too :B

You close your conversation with Roxy and open the other one.

TT: Thanks for coming over today.  
TT: ...I had a really nice time too.  
TT: Oh, make sure you put something on your hand. I wouldn’t want you getting a bruise because of me. Unless that’s your thing. 

You laugh, scrolling down to read more. You hadn’t realized, but your face was starting to get sore from smiling so much. 

TT: Sleep well John.  
TT: If you’d want to hang out with me again, you know where I live.  
TT: Or you could just text me first.  
TT: Shit, on that thought, please text me first so I can at least have my ass dry by the time you get here.  
TT: And look presentable, that was embarrassing. I didn’t even have time to gel my hair.  
TT: Not that I need it, of course, because my hair is naturally spiky and has never needed gel in the first place. Anyone who says otherwise is a filthy liar.

He’s rambling. 

TT: I’m rambling, I’m sorry.  
TT: I’ll go.

He ended the messages before you could get a reply in, but you leave a mental note to check up on him when you wake up. Maybe you’ll ask for your hoodie back, or something. You’re sure you’ll think of something before morning.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5: Dirk. 

You hadn’t even realized you’d fallen asleep until you’d woken up to a bright zap! in your living room, leaving you groggy and with a weird sleepy taste in your mouth. Your eyes adjust to the darkness, and you take your glasses off, rubbing your eyes with your hands. You sit up slowly, trying to stretch your neck out- it cracks loudly and a sharp pain strikes all the way up. That's what you get for falling asleep with a friend, asshole. Well, acquaintance probably. Maybe? You look down on your lap, where John seems to have left his hoodie for whatever reason. Yeah, that’ll be a maybe. You’ll have to give it back to him if you see him again. You struggle your phone out of your jeans pocket and open it, seeing that a couple people have messaged you. 

EB: hey dirk! i'm about to go home but i didn’t want to leave without saying goodbye.  
EB: You’re all tuckered out like a baby so i figured i should probably head out. you’re drooling and everything it’s so gross hehehe. 

That’s nasty. What the hell, me?

EB: you know Dirk, i think it’s been a long time since i’ve had this much fun! To be honest it's seemed like everyone has just gone and found their own lives here but today i really felt like i was able to just have a nice time! I hope that’s not too weird of a thing to say.  
EB: Anyway good night! I hope you sleep well, dirk, you should probably get off the couch before your neck cramps up though.

You read the message once, and then again. John didn’t strike you as the kind of person to be low on friends, even if he did have horrible taste in literally everything else. And having a good time? With you? That sounds like an oxymoron. You’ve got to find out what he wants from you.  
On feeling left out...you get what he means. Since the game ended, you’ve found yourself feeling quite literally the same way. Not that that means you’re lonely, by any means. It’s easier to be alone. But still…  
You write out a couple responses.  
TT: Thanks for coming over today.  
TT: ...I had a really nice time too.

Oh shit, you forgot about your smacking him. 

TT: Oh, make sure you put something on your hand. I wouldn’t want you getting a bruise because of me. Unless that’s your thing. 

That sounds sufficiently fucked. Time to backpedal. 

TT: Sleep well John.  
TT: If you’d want to hang out with me again, you know where I live.  
TT: Or you could just text me first.  
TT: Shit, on that thought, please text me first so I can at least have my ass dry by the time you get here.  
TT: And look presentable, that was embarrassing. I didn’t even have time to gel my hair.  
TT: Not that I need it, of course, because my hair is naturally spiky and has never needed gel in the first place. Anyone who says otherwise is a filthy liar. 

Great job Dirk you have backpedaled into fucking traffic.

TT: I’m rambling, I’m sorry.  
TT: I’ll go.

You close Pesterchum and drag your sleepy ass to your room, where you sit down on your bed. There’s one more person Pestering you- so you open that one too. 

GG: Dirk, I wanted to offer you an apology.  
GG: I’m not going to make excuses for myself, or for any of us.  
GG: I should have reached out to you sooner, or at least tried to contact you in some way.  
GG: I hope you’ve been okay. If you want to talk, then I’ll be here. 

You close your phone and throw it onto your covers with a soft thump. Your body feels like it’s been heated up, like a massive fever took over you. It’s been three months, and she finally talks to you, and she’s apologizing? YOU’RE the one who should be apologizing, doesn’t she get it? You were the reason that all this drama started, that everyone got mad and split up the whole group and she has the gall to say she has some responsibility? No, you’re not going to take that.  
You pick up your phone, and respond. 

TT: Jane, I can’t let you take responsibility for what happened there.  
GG: I can’t let you take it either!  
GG: We were ALL responsible for what happened in the game, don’t you understand that?  
TT: Do you think Roxy tried to take control of the game and fix everyone else’s mistakes?  
TT: Do you think Jake was the one building all kinds of splinters to harass him with?  
TT: You know better than anyone that what I did was shitty. If it hadn’t been for me, everything would have been better.  
TT: Jake might be an airhead, but he’s not stupid. He knew enough to get away from me once he had the chance.  
GG: We all hurt each other, Dirk.  
GG: I was EVIL! I killed people! I hurt my friends!  
GG: You aren’t the only one who feels bad. I’m fairly certain that we all do.  
GG: After everything I’d done, I was just happy to see everyone was safe.  
GG: So no, I will not be giving you the sole responsibility for our friendship going awry.  
GG: I was wrong not to reach out to you.  
GG: I was being selfish, and had selfish reasons.  
GG: I don’t want to lose you, though.  
GG: I’d like to work harder, if you don’t mind.  
GG: She really misses you, Dirk.  
TT: Roxy.  
GG: We’ve all been through so much.  
GG: It’s been really, really hard for all of us.  
GG: We know it’s been hard for you, too.  
TT: I’ll do it.  
GG: What?  
TT: I’ll talk to her.  
TT: I just need some time.  
GG: ...  
TT: I mean it.  
GG: …  
GG: Okay. 

You turn off your phone. You feel strangely calm, even though you know there’s a part of you that’s panicking. You go to the kitchen to splash some water on your face. You’re starting to feel like you’re going to throw up, oh god why did you have to eat so much crap today. You move the popcorn bowl that’s in the...sink, and…  
And you stop.  
The nausea is still there, but you take a moment to think rationally about what you’re going to do next. You need to talk to her. You need to apoligize, and you have no fucking clue what you’re going to do. 

You take out your phone again. You’re completely going out on a limb, here, but, you need advice. 

TT: Hey, John.  
TT: Are you free tomorrow?

You stare at the message, like that's going to give you an answer or something. You don’t know what else to say after that, but the nausea has gone away enough, so you wash the bowl and go back to your bed, curling up next to your pillows- or where your pillows would have been if your room wasn’t filled with pizza boxes! Damn it! You put John’s hoodie over your wifebeater and take them out, breathing in the cold nighttime air outside your apartment. 

The air seems frozen, like even the wind has gone to sleep. You suppose that’s true enough, if you think about it. 

It’s calming. You can’t remember the last time you were outside, let alone at night. Without your glasses, you can see the stars, on a planet that doesn’t yet have enough pollution to make them invisible. It’s overwhelming, how many they are, and how beautiful they are. 

You know you can’t sleep, so you sit there for a while, and you think.

When the sun starts to rise, you go back inside.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6: John.

Your eyes snap open to the morning light streaming through your window. You lean over the side of the bed, holding your head in your hands. What even was that dream, anyway? You saw your dad, again. Not Jane’s dad who you’ve been staying with, but yours. 

For the past three months, you’ve been seeing the faces of the people you lost. Every time you sleep, you re-meet someone you used to know, and even those you never got to know, and every morning, you wake up knowing that you got to survive and they didn't. 

That game took everything from you, and replaced it with something so entirely fake, a substitution. You know that you’re lucky to still have the friends you have now. 

But you find yourself wishing all of it had never happened.

You leave your room, opening the door to the familiar scent of vanilla and shaving cream. Even that feels fake, like it’s all been staged to what the game knows you’d need. You stand in your doorway for a moment, listening to the tinkling laughter of your sister mixed with the husky voice of Jake. Guess he stayed over tonight, too. You sigh dejectedly and go back into your room. You don’t think you can talk to them right now, even if you are hungry. Not when your problem lives in the same house as you, as an imposter. 

You turn on your computer and check up on Dave. He’s always been your best bro, through it all. 

EB: hey Dave! what are you doing today?  
TG: same as always  
TG: going to see the mayor with karkat  
TG: god damn the mayor is so cute  
TG: look at this guy  
TG: hes got all of his cans  
TG: i dont care what karkat says, this guy was born to be mayor  
TG: i mean like  
TG: these cans? Well fucking accounted for thank you very much  
TG: whats like the definition of a mayor anyway  
TG: do they just may  
TG: wait thats dumb  
EB: so you’re busy?  
TG: gimme a sec karkat wants attention  
TG: i mean if you want to join us that would be cool

You think about it. What usually happens when you hang out with them? Oh yeah, third wheeling, like with everyone else. 

EB: i'll pass.  
TG: damn cold  
TG: more mayor for us then ig  
TG: karkat says hi btw   
EB: hi karkat!  
EB: tell me how it goes okay?  
EB: i probably won’t be too busy anyway.  
TG: will do  
TG: see you later egbert

You take a second to wonder if he and Karkat have something going on. Which is totally bonkers because if he did, he would totally let you know. Plus, you’ve asked before and he told you no!! There’s just something about how quickly he moved out of Dirk’s apartment and into Karkat’s place that strikes you as odd, though. Maybe he just couldn’t stand his old home anymore. Looking around your imposter room, the posters, the untouched walls, you understand completely. You’d give anything for it all to be different. 

You close out of the chat with Dave, and find another one blinking- seems like you got a late night text?

Oh hey, it’s Dirk! Again! Geez, was this guy up all night or something? He texted you pretty early in the morning. 

Luckily for you, it seems he’s free too! Oh thank goodness you thought you were going to die alone of boredom, and also sadness. You let him know that you don’t have any plans, very nonchalantly as if you usually DO have plans, and he asks if you can come over. You’re just about ready to zap over when you realize you should probably give him a couple courtesy minutes, so that you don’t catch him in the shower or something. 

Having said that, courtesy minutes are LOOOOONG. And boring. You don’t bother to tell anyone you’re leaving this time around, opting instead to just tell them if they ask you later. 

Dirk comes to the door quickly this time, right after you knock. His hair is gelled and he looks well put together- which is to say, not a sopping mess. Just sort of...a normal mess! You look down at what parts of his face you can actually see, and you can tell that the air around him is off. His eyes are furrowed, as if he’s been deep in thought, and under the rim of his shades are dark circles. You guess that he didn’t sleep well last night.

He walks into his apartment after a mumbled welcome, and you follow him in. He’s even twitchier than yesterday, and you figure you might as well get this shitshow on the road.

“Is something wrong?” You ask, and he pauses, looking up at you. You watch him as he composes himself, arranging words together in his head. You sit on the couch and pat the seat next to him, and he joins you. When he sits, he looks so unbelievably small that you can’t imagine that he’s only a couple inches shorter than you. 

The air feels completely still around him, until he speaks.

“How has Roxy been?” 

You almost sigh in relief. You were starting to worry that you’d done something wrong, so you were trying to piece together an apology. This makes much more sense though-and knowing what you’ve heard from Roxy, and what you’re now seeing from Dirk, you think you know what to say. 

“She’s been okay.” His expression stays the same, but he clasps his hands tighter together, tracing his thumb over the scarred skin on his other hand. 

“She’s been trying her best, but she still misses you.” His mouth twitches, as he keeps looking down. 

“But I can’t speak for her, you know.” He looks up at you, brows furrowed. 

“I know that...” He replies, trailing off slowly. 

“I know.” He finishes. 

It doesn’t seem like he can say much more, so you try again. 

“Do you want to see her?”

He looks down again, preoccupied with his scars.  
“I do.”  
“I just don’t know what I would say,” His eyebrows twitch as he thinks, “I know I need to talk to her. I just don’t know what I’m supposed to say.”

“When we stopped talking, I think she thought I was disappointed in her. She didn’t say anything, but when you’re that close to someone you just know when there’s a problem.”

“...Especially when you’re usually the problem.”

You can think of multiple ways to reply to that one, but you let him talk. 

“Roxy has always been trying so hard to keep us all together and be a better person at the same time,” He’s started picking the skin around his nails as he half talks, half mumbles.  
“She’s really amazing, she’s probably better than all of us combined.”

“She gives amazing hugs, too.” You add, and a ghost smile touches his face. 

“She does. And I miss her. And I don’t want her to feel bad because of me.”

You feel like this hits close to home for you, somehow.  
“I know what it’s like, kinda,” You start, “To feel like you’re far away from someone you used to be really close to,” He looks up at you, for the first time in a while now.  
“Jade was alone on a ship for three years, thinking I was dead, while I retconned around the planet, fixing everything.”  
“I didn’t know at the time, but knowing it now, I still don’t know what i’m supposed to do to fix it.”  
“..I’m sorry.”  
“It’s not your fault.”  
“No, I’m sorry that it happened.” His sharp gaze hasn’t left yours, and you sigh.  
“It’s okay.” You reply with a weak smile.  
“I’m still trying to get to that place we used to be, even though I know it’s really hard. But Jade’s always been one of my closest friends, and kind of my sister? So I know we’re going to be okay.” You take a small breath, hoping that at least you believe what you’re saying.  
“Roxy cares a lot about you, Dirk, and you care about her. It’s going to be really, really scary, but I think you can do it.”  
“But what if I fuck up again?”  
“Then you tell her you’re sorry, and you try again.”  
“What if she gets sick of me?”  
“You’ve been friends since you were kids, right?”  
“Yeah, a pretty long time now.”  
“Then I don’t think you should worry.” You watch his face silently as he thinks it through. 

He opens his mouth to speak, then stops. It’s hard not to look at his mouth when he talks, or tries to anyway. It’s not like you have clear, ready access to his eyes with those annoying shades on. Like brother, like brother you guess? He opens his mouth again, and this time, he speaks. 

“I’m going to try,” He’s thinking, again. “I’m going to try to talk to her.”  
“I’m going to try and write her a message.” He shifts uncomfortably as he looks at you.  
“Can you look over it and make sure I don’t, uh. Fuck it up?”  
You nod and smile gently. “Yeah, I can do that.” A very, very soft smile seems to trace his lips. 

He takes out his phone and starts typing. His first draft is super long, and filled with all kinds of apologies. His second is just...sad. His third is him explaining all of the feelings he missed- which is where you stop him.  
“How about…instead of this,” You gesture at the phone, ”You go see her?” He looks downright terrified at this, looking back down at his phone and then up at you. “Maybe that’ll make it easier? Besides, she’ll know you’re trying if you make the effort.” 

He doesn’t say anything.

“I’ll go with you, if that makes it better?”

He looks at you, eyebrows slightly furrowed but after a moment, he nods.  
“Okay.” His voice is resolved and stronger, and you can tell he’s made up his mind, even if he’s worried. He offers you a small, faint smile before he asks Roxy to see him. There’s something about it that makes your heart stir in a way it hasn’t in a long time. You just want to hug him and tell him everything is going to be okay. You can tell that things haven’t been easy for him, not for a while now. Maybe not for a long, long time. And you guess you see a little bit of yourself in him, too.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7: Dirk

Fuckin’ hell, you’re scared. Not to say you haven’t been through way worse, because you have, but something about all of this just makes you feel like you’re gonna shit your pants or something. And considering that you haven’t seen Roxy in a few months now, you’d rather have a better impression. Or literally any other impression. 

Maybe piss would be better.

You look over at John, trying to figure out what exactly his deal is. You’ve known him only for a couple days, and now you’re sitting in his passenger seat as he’s driving you to a coffee shop to see your old friend. It doesn’t seem like he has it out for you, otherwise he might have tried to kill you by now. But still, it’s not like anyone wants to be friends with you THIS much. He’s been freakishly available, easy to be with, and really nice..it’s sending off all sorts of sirens in your head. Even as he teases you or makes fun of you, you can’t find it in you to really get mad at him, though. You can tell he’s just trying to make things a little lighter. You think, maybe, he’s hurting. That maybe he’s lonely too.

“Hey, uh. John?” You ask, breaking the silence for the first time in a while. 

“Mm?” He replies, eyes still on the road. You suspect he doesn’t actually know how to drive. 

“Why are you doing this?”  
He keeps driving, and smiles. Always smiling with this guy. 

“That’s what a good friend would do, right?” He responds. Hmm..So he does think you’re friends. Based on the very few times you’ve seen him, you don’t think you’d be opposed to the idea, but you’re not exactly ready to go to the 3rd friendship base with him already.  
“I guess that’s weird to say. I barely even know you, huh.” You snap out of your thoughts long enough to hear him.  
“I mean, I know about you! I know what you’ve told me about you, too.” He takes a left, pulling into the parking lot. It strikes you as ironic that his car has windshields. 

“I think I’m a little jealous of you, to be honest.”  
“Huh, I didn’t strike you as the kind of guy to have hair envy.” He laughs, though a part of it sounded forced.  
“You know I’ve seen you without gel. I have nothing to be jealous of.”  
“Gel, what is this gel? A figment of your imagination, I’m sure- You’ve sworn on your life, it’s like Fight Club you can't talk about it, it’s the golden rule of the thing, except it’s worse- I think I might have to kill you, you know that? That’s what happens when you break a promise.” Your voice is half threatening, half joking, but he gets it.  
He laughs harder this time, and it sounds real. That makes you happy, for some reason.  
“Hey, hey!” he protests, “It’s not like i’ve told anyone else!”

He pulls into a parking space and cuts the ignition. You suspect he only turns on the power to use the radio. Looking at the time, there’s still a couple minutes before you said you’d see Roxy.  
“Your secret’s safe with me,” He says, and gives you a cheesy wink. You didn’t think a wink could be so cheesy, but that shit was cheesier than kraft mac. His smile falters for a second, and he sits back in his seat. 

“Everyone really missed you, Dirk.”  
“I know.” You respond.  
“My friends wouldn’t stop talking about you. How much fun you were, or some memory they had, or how much they wanted to see you again. I think that’s when I got jealous of you, too. It doesn’t exactly feel like anyone’s missing me when i’m gone, or would be if I left.”

You almost feel like this is deja vu of the last few days, wrapped up in someone else’s words. But you listen anyway. It feels like the least you can do. 

“I thought, maybe if I brought you back, that would change something. Like I could prove myself! And then I wouldn’t feel like no one wants me anymore?” He stops for a second. You can tell that he’s just speaking his mind now. “Saying that sounds dumb. That was all really stupid. I’m just..fucking dumb sometimes.”  
“No, I don’t think that’s dumb.” He falters mid- speech and you take your moment. “I think everyone feels that way sometimes, like they have to win the approval of others.”  
His clear blue eyes are turned to you now, and if you weren’t an even more intense motherfucker, your heart might have stopped.

“I mean, the approval thing is dumb as shit. Being enough for others is like some sort of sick joke for people who feel like they’re owed something more than compassion. And it fucking sucks that you don’t feel like your compassion is enough for them.”

He seems to think about it, just for a second, and you study him carefully. You’re trying to pinpoint exactly why his eyes feel like they’re targeting you so much. He’s got such a kind face, round, and when he smiles, really smiles, he gets small dimples on his cheeks. You look down at his hands. His fingernails look bitten down, and you guess that’s probably a bad habit of his too. One of his hands stays down, and you follow the other to his head, where he runs his fingers through his thick hair, then to his face as he finally talks again. 

“I’m really sorry Dirk. I only went to see you because I thought it might be good for me. I didn’t think of you, and it was really selfish, and I’m sorry.”

You find yourself mirroring the same smile he usually gives you when you’re down, though it probably looks more like a grimace than anything else. 

“Well I only let you in my house because I thought you were attractive, so it’s okay,” You reply. Definitely not a smooth move, but kind of true. His jaw halfway drops.

“Dude for real???” He half shouts, half- laughs this, grinning hard. You count in your head as he laughs. His laugh turns into a grin, and...3, 2, 1....dimples.  
“I mean,” He replies once he’s winded himself down, “I think I would say the same for you, but I have yet to know for sure, Mr. Super Mysterious dude.”  
“Oh hell no, man, the shades stay on,” You say as he smiles again.  
“I figured you would say that. I’ll get them off you someday, though!”  
“Nope, never. I’ll glue them on if I have to.”  
“How will you see in the dark, then?”  
“I just have to look really, really hard.”

This sends him back into laughter, and this time he smiles right at you, holding his hand out to you. Oh, you know you can’t leave a bro hanging.  
“You ready to do this?” He asks.  
You give him his fist bump and a small, but real smile.  
“Yeah, I think I’ll be okay. Come with me inside?”  
“I don’t really mind.”

You both step outside of the car, you leading him and him following behind you.  
“I don't think it was a waste, you know.” He says, just before you get to the door.  
“I don’t think it was a waste, going to see you. Even if I had bad reasons.”

You give him a smile. 

“Yeah, I’m happy you came, too.”


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8: John

Your chest feels both heavy and light as you walk into the small coffee shop. The place is buzzing with the little chess dudes and even a few salamanders who definitely shouldn’t be drinking coffee. You’ll have to make sure your loving daughter Casey knows about the importance of healthy beverage intake. Dirk seems to be a lot better than when he was earlier, and that makes you really happy- you can tell that he deserves good things, even though he might feel like he doesn’t. Once he sees Roxy, however, his whole demeanor changes. His back slouches slightly like a scared animal trying to make itself smaller, he holds his arms close to his body and you can feel the air around him shaking as he breathes faster. You touch his shoulder, and he looks at you. 

“Where are you?” You ask him.

“I, I’m at a coffee shop?” 

“What are you doing?”

“I’m going to talk to Roxy.” He replies, and he breathes gently, the jittery air around him subsiding. 

“I’ll be right here, okay? Until you’re ready.” He nods and you both make your way to her. Once Roxy sees the both of you, you know that her head has departed caffeine central and parked itself squarely in Hug Station- which is when Dirk gets the brute force of it all. For a second it seems like he can’t breathe, but with a little of your windy help, he relaxes and hugs her back. Wow. That's pretty adorable. Roxy’s just about squealing with delight, her voice getting way higher with excitement, and Dirk looks halfway shell-shocked, and halfway relieved. You excuse yourself to get coffee, giving yourself a mental pat on the back for a job well done. You order some for yourself, and another cup for Roxy since she basically yelled across the place to you and you already know the barista’s heard. Dirk asked for tea, which you had no clue what that was supposed to mean. He then clarified that he wanted green tea, which was something you could handle. You leaned against the counter by the pickup as the barista made the drinks, and watched what you assumed was Dirk and Roxy catching each other up on the time they weren’t together. When you bring over the drinks, Roxy asks for some sugar and milk, and Dirk repeats her sugar request. You never know how much people want, so you got pretty much a ton of both so you wouldn’t have to go back for more. When you got back to the table, talk was a little lighter, and you find yourself in your normal position of the third wheel, though this time, it’s completely voluntary, so you’re okay with it. You watch Dirk's face as he talks to Roxy and pours his sugar in his tea, (which was at least ten packets, what the shit) and then hers. Holy fucking shit. That was..a lot of fucking sugar. You’ll have to remember to ask him about that later. You take a casual sip of your coffee as you settle into your usual spectator sport, sneaking a glance and again at your seatmate as he talks. Behind what you can see of his glasses, his cheeks and nose are dusted with freckles, and you can see small, splatter-like burn scars on his body. Dave had a few like those, too, so you’re assuming they might have been from the “deadly red shit” that was coming from the sky in the middle of his game. His skin looks like it used to be tanner, and you wonder what it would feel like to touch. You begin to count his shoulder freckles, drowning out their talking to make up fake constellations in your head. That one, you’ll call sugaramus, that one’s Mcconaughey, that ones the almighty Salamancer. Oh that one? That’s just the big dipper. Boooring. 

You don't hear the first time Roxy clears her throat, in fact, you don’t hear anything until Dirk says your name. You snap out of it and look up and his face, which is giving you a confused smile. 

“Uh, would you mind giving us a second? You can, uh. Check out my muscles later if you want, just-”

“Oh, oh yeah, totally!” Stupid, stupid dumb. You’re the biggest dumb in the universe. In the galaxy, to be exact. The big dipper’s douchiness has nothing on you right now. 

His eyes give you an apology, and you give him a small ‘it’s okay’ as you get up and leave the table. You opt to stand by the bathrooms like a creep, just watching them from afar. You sip your coffee as they talk, mostly dirk’s eyebrows and his mouth, since you can’t see Roxy’s face. His brows knit together as he talks, and you can tell this is the apology that he was practicing. They both go silent after it from what you can see, but it seems to have been a good one, because Roxy stands up and hugs him, tight. At that moment you begin to feel like you shouldn’t have seen it, for some reason, like you don’t belong in this picture. You start to look for an exit, an excuse so you don’t have to be there while they’re having this important talk, when they don’t need you to be there anymore. You’ve done your job now, so..you can just zap out and go home, yeah. Yeah, you’ll do that. You look at Dirk one last time, and his eyes catch yours. He’s sitting again, and he looks worried. And then he calls you over. 

Your mind is screaming for you to turn back and go home, to run before you end up somewhere that you’re going to regret. But you don’t want to leave him hanging, so you go back. 

He pats the seat next to him and starts talking to Roxy about how the two of you met, since apparently she’d asked. She asks a few questions, and Dirk reflects them to you, listening to your take on the past couple days. It was almost weird to talk to her again-you feel like it’s been forever since you’ve really talked to Roxy, even though you’ve spent so much time with her. You tell her about the cake, about the movie, which apparently she’d seen too! You almost let it slip about the hair gel, but thought better of it, just in case he’s actually serious about killing you. Everyone knows how Fight Club works. You’re talking about Calliope’s latest art project, which you’d gotten to see before but didn’t understand, when your phone vibrates with a text. You leave it for a few minutes, until you need to use the bathroom. You open the text after doing your business(and washing your hands, like everyone who isn’t a complete gremlin should do, thank you very much.). It’s Dirk.

TT: Thank you.

You smile, and text a response. 

EB: anytime!  
TT: I noticed you weren’t looking too hot before. Is everything okay?  
EB: yeah, its okay now :B  
TT: Either way, I’m here if you need to talk.  
EB: I think I’ve met my feelings jam quota for the day, actually.  
EB: so how much sugar do you put in your tea, anyway? i need a rough estimate for personal reference...  
TT: Shut the hell up, Egbert.  
EB: that’s not a number!  
TT: Figure out what the number is, then.  
EB: ...  
EB: fine, i will!

When you come back from the bathroom, it seems like they’re just about ready to go, and Roxy makes Dirk promise to check up with her from then on. You hold open the door and they both go out, saying their goodbyes. The windshield is starting to be sprinkled with rain droplets, and so are they, so you nudge Dirk into the car before it can really start coming down. 

“So how was it?” You ask, once you’re both in. 

“It wasn’t that bad, actually.” You start driving, or winding? Your way back to his apartment. The rain’s really coming down hard now.  
You can feel Dirk’s eyes watching you silently while you drive, and you laugh softly. 

“Do I have something on my face?”

“Well now you do, yes.” He replies. He never seems to miss a beat when you’re talking.

“I think it looks nice on you, though, so I think i’ll leave it there.”

“Is it my smile?” You ask, grinning widely for him at your cheesy joke.

“Damn, how’d you guess?” He responds, and you can tell he probably meant it.

“You’re a doof, Strider I swear,” You say as you shove him with your elbow. You can hear thunder in the distance, and the rain’s gotten harder. 

You pull up in front of his apartment and park. He steps out of the car and runs to the steps for cover, before turning around and coming back. He points his finger at your window and you roll it down, and he rests his arms at the bottom of it, leaning in. 

“Wanna stay the night?” He asks, and you can feel excitement in the air around him. His hair is becoming sopping wet and a smile is chasing his lips. “I’ve got movies, we can order food..”

“You know, I haven’t really eaten all day,” You reply, looking into his shades. The dark sky is NOT helping your inability to see his eyes, dammit. 

“Me either. There’s a sushi place nearby, I heard they deliver..”

“Aww, do you want me to stay?” You tease him, as you lean forward for a closer look. 

“Yeah. Yeah I do.” He says, and that smile comes back for you. You could definitely get used to that. But you’ve got to agree with him- you don’t want to leave, either. 

“Okay, fine, I’ll stay-” You need an excuse- “Just for the night though, and because it's raining.” You know you could just zap yourself home, but...you don’t really want to go home yet. You're having fun!  
“I get to pick the first movie, though!” You add, already thinking about which amazing film you can put him through. Preferably one you know he hates, so you can point out exactly why he’s WRONG.  
He smiles wryly, opening the door for you.

“I can’t believe you already want to torture me. I thought we had something good going, Egbert.” God, he’s so dramatic it’s funny.  
“Hey, is it a deal or not?” Your leg is starting to get wet from the rain, and Dirk’s hair has already pretty much lost all of its volume, which makes you grin knowing that you've gotten to see him like this twice already.

He sighs, rubbing the back of his neck as he stops leaning on your car.  
“Yeah, it’s a deal. I get to choose after you, though.” 

Once you hear the word “deal”, you zap yourself to the top of the stairs.  
“Works for me!” You yell down to him. He has to hold his hand in front of his shades to see you, and you can tell that even if he likes to gloat about how much he can see, he can’t see shit right now. 

“C’mon, get out of the rain!”  
“I don’t know, I was thinking about camping out here? Getting a fire going and shit.”  
“It’s pouring!”  
“If spongebob can set a fire underwater then so can I,”  
“Your hair’s a mess!” This stops him from taking his sweet time, and he rushes up the stairs.  
“Shut up, shut up, shut Up,” He mumbles as he opens his door, turning to you,  
“Not. A. Word.” He says as you both walk inside. He’s shivering, but you can tell he’s still having fun. He turns to you, motioning for you to get the TV going as he strips his wifebeater off his body, or more like, peels it off, since it's soaked. Damn, the rain really got him.  
And he's got a really nice back, too. 

“I’ve gotta change before I get hypothermia or something, I’ll be right back.” You catch a glimpse of what you think could be a smile, a real, real one, and you set yourself to work, though your brain still feels shocked. 

You don’t think you’ve ever seen a smile like that.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9: Dirk

You’re in your room, with your back against the door, completely out of breath. You’re used to lots of exercise, so the 4 flights of stairs you just ran up is small potatoes against all the training you’ve done. You’re soaked, but you almost feel warm. Your body feels elated, like it’s caught fire. 

You have no fucking clue why, but you love it. 

You strip off your pants, which are even tighter now that they’re soaked. You grab a towel and wipe down your body- so at least you don’t feel like a wet dog, and also so you don’t feel like you pissed yourself. Speaking of that, you change your boxers too because damn you were SOAKED. You go to dry your hair..and think of something better. By now that fiery feeling has worn off and the cold is piercing your skin and shiiit you need clooothes. You grab John’s hoodie and throw it on you without really thinking about it, pulling on a pair of sweatpants over your thighs and jumping them on as you open your door. 

“Is the movie ready? I’d like to order the death of my integrity ‘quick and painless’.”  
“Yeah it’s on, you drama queen,”  
“Aww, is that our first petname?” You ask, as you unleash all of the water in your hair, shaking it out like a dog on him. He yelps and jumps back to the edge of the couch, accidentally falling over the edge in his effort to save himself.

“Shit- Fuck, Dirk I JUST got dry!!” You help him up from the floor and he doesn’t thank you, just grabs your hoodie to pull you in and wipe the water from his arms onto your face. You laugh, and when you do, it comes easy to you. 

“I ordered the food, you ungrateful jerk-” He says, but you cut him off.  
“I prefer the term ‘swine’”  
“You ungrateful ‘SwInE’- pff, why swine?”  
“I always thought it was funny.”  
He gives you an unbelieving look, like he’s never met you before.  
“What, I can’t be funny?”  
“No, I just! I wasn’t expecting it!” He stammers, and you smile wryly. For a guy who loves to talk you really enjoy seeing him without words to say. He looks you up and down, very quickly. Is he sizing you up? Ohh, you’ve played this game, so you’re more than ready for-

“Oh hey, nice hoodie!”  
“Thanks,” you say reflexively, and look down, “It’s..” Fuck, he got you. ”yours! It’s your hoodie, shit I’ll put on another one, I’m s-”  
He laughs, clear like a bell and stops you. “Hey, it’s okay! Keep it if you like it so much!”

You scoff and take it off, immediately feeling a chill. Did he SERIOUSLY just use his wind powers on you? Wait, that’s the AC. Now he’s got you paranoid, the asshole. You ball up and throw the hoodie at him and he catches it. 

“I’m not taking this back now, you know,- give me a pen.”  
“What do you need one for?”  
“I just do, giv-”

Your doorbell rings at that moment, and you go to the door. Sushi’s here. Guess you’re paying shirtless today. Wouldn’t be the first time. 

“Oh hell yeah,” John says from the couch, and you ignore him, giving the driver a couple 20’s- 30 for the food, 10 to take home. Tipping workers is hella important, especially when you are conveniently a gazillionaire from beating the stupid game. 

“Hey, can I borrow his pen?” John yells from the couch. You give the driver an apologetic look and he hands you the pen. You’re only just noticing it now, but this guy’s kinda cute. Dark hair, nice build, glasses. You might have to order from this place again. You hand John the pen and he scribbles for a second before handing it back to you.  
“Thank you,” You say to the driver, and he tips his hat at you before walking away. You leave the door open for an extra second to get a good look at his-

“Ass.” You hear John say. “You were TOTALLY just checking out his ass.”  
You flush and laugh, “Hell no man, I-”  
“Don’t tell me you weren’t! Damn!”  
The room falls quiet.  
“Was he hot?”  
“Absolutely.”

You both look at each other, and burst out into laughter. Wow, this guy is something else. 

“Hey, for real, keep it.” He’s holding the hoodie back out to you, and his smile seems genuine enough.

“I labelled it so like, it’s yours now.”  
“What, do you usually label your clothing?” It’s Johns’ turn to be flustered, and you take pride in the silence. 

“You do, don’t you?”  
“How about we don’t make fun of my outfit choices an-” You’re putting on the hoodie, and grin. 

“If you insist, I won’t argue it. I mean, it’s free clothing, and like you said, it’s labelled so it’s mine now, right? Besides, I’m hungry as a horse, and we’ve got a movie to watch, so..”   
“Oh crap, the movie!” Did he seriously forget about the movie that HE wanted to watch? Maybe you shouldn’t have said anything- and he’s turning it on, okay this is officially happening. You turn off the lights and sit next to him, buckling your seatbelt for an absolute shitshow.

Two hours later and a whole lot of sushi, and also an order of pizza because sushi wasn’t enough for the two of you, the movie was over. Interestingly (and absolutely insanely) enough, the movie wasn’t that bad. You guess when you see someone enjoying something so much- and you get yelled at enough for talking- you learn to just stop and enjoy it too or something. Not exactly the perfect letter to Princess Celestia, but you’ll keep working at that one. You look over at John, who is busy skimming through the end credits, almost leaning entirely off the couch from excitement. You think you’re starting to place why his eyes freak you out so much. With the amount of pandering you do on a daily basis, especially about yourself you were surprised that you hadn’t gotten it sooner. You lived in an expanse of water for your entire lives. 

And his eyes are like the ocean. 

They’re like home. 

You dumb fucking shit.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10: John

You’d forgotten that little clause of you being able to choose what movie you got to watch first, because now Dirk’s trying to decide what exact torture to put you through. He’s pulled out tons of both new and old movies, even a couple VHS tapes. Is that Harry Potter? You’ll have to ask to watch those later- the world sort of ended before the last movie came out. Talk about a cliffhanger.

Dirk stops for a second, pulling out a thin dvd case. No, that’s not what you think it is. It can’t be.

“How do you feel about My Little Pony?”

After a little bribing and the promise to see the last Harry Potter movie in the future- to which he insists that you watch them all, and also criticizes you for not reading the books- you give in, and he pops in the dvd. On the cover screen, he asks you if you want to change into something of his if you want to spend the night. You look at him quickly, checking first for cleanliness and then for size.

“I don’t think I’d fit,” You say, “You’re kinda-”  
“Don’t even say it,” He snaps. Oooh, a sensitive spot. He leaves into his room and you ALMOST start to feel bad, but then he comes back with a blanket. Oh. Hehehe he got you.

“In case you get cold,” he says, leaving it between the two of you. You can tell it’s getting late, and you’re hoping that you don’t fall asleep between episodes- you’ve got to be a good guest, you tell yourself, as he plays the first one. You try your hardest to pay attention, and for once you’re actually happy Dirk’s there to help you because 6 names is a lot for you to handle at once.

“That’s twilight,” He starts,  
“Like the vampire movie?” You ask jokingly.  
“You know there was a whole series of them, right?” He replies.  
“For real? Were they good?”  
“Oh they were shit.” He says, and you deflate slightly, then perk up.  
“Well put them on the list anyways! You have a terrible movie taste from what I know.”  
“We have a list?”  
“Well we could have a real list. I was making a head lis-”  
“Hey hey you’re going to miss Celestia.” He interrupts, pointing at the screen. “She’s a princess. See the wings and horn? That means she’s an alicorn, that’s important.”  
You roll your eyes. You tally off the characters you meet one by one, though you know it’s going to take a while to actually learn their names. You look over at Dirk, who looks like he's having way too much fun. Wow, he actually likes this. You turn back to the screen just in time for the rainbow haired pony to cross a bridge, and you hear a tiny squeak. You turn to Dirk, who is completely invested.

“So you like he-”  
“SSSHHHShshshsSHhhhhhhhhhh” He shushes you, and goes back to watching. “Best pony.” He whispers under his breath. This is the best one? You could think of a couple who are probably better. The one with the soft voice, for one. She just took on a fucking manticore and he didn’t even blink an eye. And there’s something you like about Applejack- that once is easy to remember because she’s got apples on her butt, and it’s also a cereal. She has an accent that reminds you of Dirk, and they seem to have a lot of similarities, too. The blunt honesty, stubbornness, strength, the trust thing..and she seems really nice too. You think she should probably be the best pony. You’re not exactly ready to stake everything you are on her yet, but she seems promising. The scene with the rainbow pony- Rainbow Dash, Dirk quickly corrects you, is over, and they finally make it to this old and creepy castle, where they meet the villain, battle it with friendship magic(whatever that means) and save the day. Once the end credits start playing, Dirk looks at you expectantly, though you’re not sure what he’s expecting.

“What’s up? We’re not going to watch the next one?” You ask, confused.  
There’s something in his face that makes you think that was the best thing you could have said.  
So you spend about the next three or so hours watching more, maybe 7 or 8 episodes. It’s not bad, to be honest, and some of the jokes are actually pretty funny. You’re just pretty surprised that Dirk of all people would like it so much, and it’s pretty cute when you think about such a self-proclaimed tough guy losing it over some ponies. Speaking of Dirk, he’s still awake, pretty awake to you at least. You guess this isn’t his first night pulling an all-nighter. You, on the other hand, tend to sleep like a baby, except for your recent outbreak of nightmares, which have woken you up a little earlier than you would have liked. He takes a look at you and makes a noise, something about it being way past your bedtime. He hands you the blanket and curls up like a cat at one end of the couch so that you have enough room to lay down.

“Are you going to be able to sleep?” You ask. He looks wide awake.  
“I’ll probably draw or something until I get tired, don’t worry.” So that’s his usual routine.  
“Do you want me to stay up with you?”  
He smiles softly, and thinks for a second before answering.  
“You look pretty tired. I can’t keep you up, you’ll get delirious.”  
“No way!” You half-slur your words. Not making a good case for yourself here. “I’m staying up. We go to sleep together, that’s fair..” The lost city of Deleirion, capital of Sleepytown is just around the corner but you aren’t ready to pull in just yet. You’re pretty sure you mumbled a good half of that because Dirk laughs.  
He laughs, and it's low and it’s sweet and it’s perfect. “Okay, okay. We stay up, then.”

You give him a triumphant kind of look, for winning him over. Or whatever that look may be. It gets a laugh from him, so you totally scored.  
It turns out you were much closer to Sleepytown than you thought, though, because in the next ten minutes you’re sleeping like a baby.

Dirk makes sure you’re tucked in all the way and sketches for a little while. You don’t know this about him yet, but he likes to draw to process his days, and also likes to draw for his friends, too. Maybe you’ll see his sketch of you as a pony, or you in human form, for that matter. Maybe you never will. You don’t see him clean up from the night and sit at the foot of the couch until he’s sure you’re asleep. You don’t see his list of movies you mentioned today, all put together so he doesn’t forget. You don’t see him looking at your handwriting of his name on your hoodie, just to see how it looks. You don’t see him doze off with his head next to your hand that’s dangling off the couch. You don’t even wake up from a nightmare that night.

You’re too tired to do any of that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first try at embedding an image, if it doesnt work im sorry! this is definitely a tired chapter, i promise i wont be writing about mlp consistently <3 thank u to everyone who has read this it really means a lot !


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11: Dirk

You wake up groggily to a bright light- oh yeah, that’s the sun, isn’t it-and pick yourself off the ground-oh, nope, you’re on the couch now. How the hell did you get on the couch? Wasn’t John-

You look around, starting to feel anxious, the worry in your stomach starting and getting worse by the second. John. Did he leave you here? Is he okay, what time is it? What did you do to make him leave? You stand up from the couch, a little too fast it seems, because you almost fall into the stack of cinder blocks holding up your computer. You scratch your arm open pretty bad in the process. Shit, shit, okay. Balance first. Then get up. Then, fucking shit, you can’t breathe why can’t you ever BREATHE. Your dizziness is subsiding, but the thoughts are getting worse, creating daggers that point directly at yourself, digging in, tearing, breaking. You close your eyes, trying to pull yourself out of it. You need to get it together, come on. Think of something, something good. 

You remember John’s words yesterday when you were about to panic, and you grab onto them for dear life- making yourself an anchor. Okay, calm, calming breaths. Where are you? You’re in your apartment. You’re here and John is gone and everything is terrible and-

“Hey, sleeping beauty, you awake?” You jump, and realizing that your face is bare, you make a dive for your glasses before he can see you. You feel air fill your lungs and a soft smell meets your nose. You put on your shades just as John walks in from the kitchen. He’s actually here, he’s still here, it’s okay. You’re breathing a bit calmer now, and seeing him finally sets your mind at peace. 

“I thought that was you,” He says, and his voice is the final key to bringing you back into reality. Now that you’re in reality, of course, your arm fucking huurts.   
“You okay?” He asks, looking at you. You take a look at your arm, and it's scratched open, but not exactly bleeding. It’ll take a few days to heal at least.   
“You just did that? That looks kinda bad! I got this, don’t worry.” He goes back into the kitchen and you see him digging through bags. Those are a lot of bags- did he go shopping?

“You get started eating, okay? I can’t remember which bag it was in,” He says, laughing at himself.   
You’re still processing it all, but when you smell the air, there’s one thing you definitely get. Oh, yeah that’s breakfast. You’d be mad that he used your kitchen without asking, but you’ve got a pretty strict policy when it comes to free food: eat it. 

“I woke up a couple hours before you, and I was crazy hungry. You know you have no food, right?” He’s got some rubbing alcohol in his hand, and a couple cotton swabs in the other. 

“Yeah,” You say. Your body kind of speaks for you, so there’s really no use lying, you’re tiny- and in his hoodie you look even smaller. You’re pretty sure that if you weren’t a god you might have actually died of hunger by now, but apparently God Rules decided you weren’t important or bad enough to deserve a ‘heroic’ or ‘just’ death. But it wasn’t just that you weren’t eating. You weren’t doing anything at all, for a pretty long time. 

“Well I went shopping, so make sure you eat.” You can’t tell if that’s weird, sweet, or both. You appreciate it, definitely, but you don’t really have the heart to tell him you don’t know how to cook. 

Whatever John’s made though, smells fucking amazing. You try to see around him to find exactly what delectable monstrocity he made for you. Is he gonna poison you?  
You hear him laugh, watching you incredulously.  
“They’re just pancakes, Dirk,” You look up at him, scoffing.  
“Yeah, I know. Everyone knows pancakes. ”   
The jig is up. He isn’t taking it.   
“Haven’t you ever had pancakes before?” He’s curious first, then appalled. ”Please tell me you’ve eaten pancakes before.”

“I.. lived alone in an apartment, and ate fish my whole life, John.” You reply, being perfectly blunt about it. It’s not like you didn’t know what they were, but you weren’t exactly privy to pancake stock in your formative years. He gives you some kind of heartbroken look, and mumbles, “That might have been the saddest thing i’ve ever heard get said.” 

Damn, it’s not like you were really missing out on THAT much. John’s ushering you to sit down now, silently but with a little more force than you were expecting. There’s two plates on the table, and John takes your arm and starts cleaning it up, nodding at you to eat first. You pick up your fork and lift one, realizing you should probably cut it before you shove the whole thing in your mouth. You pick up a cut piece, the syrup dripping off your fork. You give John one final look, like a last chance for him to yell “psyche!” and pie you in the face. You have a feeling like that’s the EXACT kind of prank he would pull. He seems pretty occupied, so you just eat it. 

Holy shit. You really were fucking missing out. Holy shit, that’s awesome. This is seriously some Ratatouille shit, straight out of the movie. Flavor? Absolutely popping. Immaculate. Lightshows in your head, pulling out all the stops for this. Sweetness, softness, decadence. The height of flavor itself. Guy fucking Fieri could never. The bastard. This might just be. The best. Fucking. Thing.

You eat all of the ones on your plate, and start eyeing John’s, who has put a few band-aids on your arm and set it back down. He looks at you, waiting for your critique.

“They’re okay,” You say. “They’re good.”

“Just good?” John asks. He looks like he’s deflating by the second, and god damn you just can’t deny a face like that.

“Nah,” You say, “You got me. They’re awesome.” 

John pretty much has a field day with that, and you eat his plate while he makes more. 

“I’ll teach you my recipe, if you want to learn it!,” He says while washing off the pan. “Pancakes are easy to make and pretty hard to mess up.”

“What, it’s not a secret Crocker recipe?” You joke. John winces a little at that, and it feels like the room gets colder for a second, but you might have just imagined it. 

“No, it’s not.” Oh shit. Guess that’s a soft spot. There’s a part of you that wants to press it, but you guess that he probably just doesn’t want you bugging him about it. He has better friends, anyway. 

He turns around, leaning against the sink. “Thanks for letting me stay the night,” He says, “I had a lot of fun.” He’s giving off a bad energy, you can feel it. He’s stressed. He’s cleaned up from when he cooked, and you’re realizing that he’s getting ready to go. 

“I- hey, I’m sorry,” You start, “I didn’t know it was something that bothered you, I-”

“It’s okay!” He replies. “Don’t worry about it. I just got a few texts from Jane a while ago and yesterday too, so I’ve got to go back. I’m just...not quite sure if i’m ready to go yet.” He gives you some kind of smile, that feels out of place. You’re not sure what’s going on with them, but if he doesn’t want to leave, then you’re okay with that- it’s not like you want him to leave, either. 

“You can stay! If you want to.” Shit, you sound desperate. You’re clinging, you know. You hate to consider it, but you think you’ve gotten attached to him- and you know how dangerous that can be. This is why you don’t make new friends, this is why you have to keep everyone at an arm’s length. 

So when he repeats that he has to leave, you let him go. 

The door closes and your apartment feels big, and empty, and you feel unbelievably alone. You hold onto your arm, looking at it for the first time. It’s covered in My Little Pony bandages, all of Rainbow Dash. You laugh, and you feel your face flush. That’s just so stupid, and sweet. 

You walk back to the couch and curl up in the corner he sat in last night, with the blanket held close to you. Your apartment still smells like pancakes, and the whole apartment is warm from having the stove turned on so long. It feels comforting, and soft, and you know you’re supposed to feel happy here. Still, there’s a pain in your chest settling, pushing the air out of you. It hurts, even if it isn’t real. 

You feel like you’re going to cry.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A note for the Jane Stans= she's not going to be a bad guy !! shes just very old fashioned and she's got to open her mind a bit !! so dont worry <3333

Chapter 12: John

There’s a kind of dead feeling in you as you drive back- and it gets worse the closer you get to your kind-of house. Every fiber of you just wants to turn around and go back to him, so you can feel better, so you can feel okay again. You keep driving forward, despite this. You thought seeing him was just going to be your escape, that the only reason you’ve been leaving the house at all, was to BE out of the house, but now it feels like more. You know you don’t have to worry with him, about filling some sort of role you’ve never lived before, or acting like everything is okay so that you don’t ruin things. It’s weird, too, you feel weird about it. It’s weird that he gets you, and you get him too. It feels out of place, because you’ve met just about everyone that was alive in that bullshit game, and the one person you never got to know is the person you feel the closest to lately. It’s weird, because you want to feel closer to him. And it’s weird because you don’t want to leave him. 

The drive back home was too fast for you to really think it all through, so you just sort of brace yourself as you walk in the door. 

Jane’s been waiting there, and Jake excuses himself once he sees you, sneaking out the door once you walk in. 

After a second of pure silence, Jane starts yelling. How she was worried, how you didn’t text, how you never came back.

“You know you don’t have to keep tabs on me, right? I’m an adult, I can look after myself.” You say, keeping yourself calm.  
“I have to make sure you’re safe, don’t you get that, something could have happened, and-”  
“You don’t! You have no responsibility to me like that!”  
“I’m your sister, of course I do, are you kidding me?  
“What’s going to happen, I’m going to get kidnapped by a salamander army? I’ll be ambushed by grubs? It’s not like earth C is crawling with danger, Jane! I spent the night with a friend, and I’m allowed to do that! I’m not a little kid!”  
You’re starting to lose your cool now, and you start breathing to calm yourself down. You’re looking at her face, and she’s pissed. You get that deafening feeling that you’re in trouble. You tear your eyes from her, and then look at her dad. And he just looks..disappointed. Disappointed, with your dad’s face, and pipe and hat. In your dad’s clothes and his house and his family. He doesn’t GET to look at you like that. Not like your dad used to. He doesn’t GET to take his place. No one can ever do that. Your blood feels like it turns to ice, and you turn to Jane. 

“You’re not my sister, you’re the kid version of my grandma, and I’m not going to fight with whatever power dynamic you’re fighting through, because you think I can’t spend the night with a friend.”  
“It’s not I that don’t think you can’t spend the night with-”  
“Then you don’t trust me?”  
“Of course I-”  
“It doesn’t sound like you do! It really doesn’t!”  
“You’re with Dirk, right? It’s him?” She asks, suddenly. 

“Yeah, I was with Dirk.” You respond.  
“Look, you just need to be careful with him,” She starts. You’re not having it.  
“I’ve been a good friend to him while you’ve been ignoring him, so I don’t think I need your advice.”  
“No, it’s just that..”  
“Come on, surprise me, tell me something new.”  
“He’s gay!!”  
You stand there in complete silence, then laugh forcefully.  
“Seriously?? That’s the truth bomb? How about this: ‘I know, Jane, who cares??’”  
She doesn’t say anything, and neither does her dad, and you’re happy. You don’t want to hear either of them. Not her, and definitely not HIM.  
“I get that you were born a long time ago, but he’s your friend, and now he’s mine. You’ve got to get over it.” 

She stays quiet, and you walk past her and into your room. You know you’ve fucked up, finally, disrupted the quiet. You want to talk to someone about it, you want to scream, anything to get the image of your fake imposter dad and your weird grandkid-grandma-sister out of your head. You don’t want any of this. You’re confused, you want to go back, you want to bring your REAL dad back, you want to stop having to see him or her wherever you go. It’s all starting to jumble together again, between all their faces, and especially between your dad and hers, and you feel like you’re losing him. You’re scared of losing his memories, because once you forget, there’s no one left to know who he was. Once you forget, he’s really gone. 

And you’re fucking terrified. 

After a couple of hours you’re starting to feel bad for yelling at Jane, you know you weren’t really mad at her, but you took it out on her, anyway. You were mad about what she said about Dirk, though. How could she act like something like that was such a bad thing? Or that knowing it would keep you away from him? You feel the anger filling you, out of pride and care for your friend, and you bury your face beneath your pillows and yell, the sound being muffled as a windstorm wreaks havoc in your room. You feel like you need to cry, your chest is heaving with too much air, too many tears, but your eyes feel so, so dry, and your head feels like it’s spent so much time trying to be okay that it doesn’t remember how to feel anymore. You grasp onto the pillow, holding it close to your torso and burying your face in it, glaring into nothing. You’re feeling so much, and it’s all turning to nothing. You just stare into the black until you’re tired of it, and then until you’re tired, and then until you’ve fallen asleep. 

You wake up a couple of hours later to a knock at your door.

“John?” It’s Jane. You don’t say anything, just roll over towards the other wall.

“I don’t know if you’re awake, but I wanted to apologize, if that’s okay.” You ignore her. She SHOULD apologize. You just don’t want to hear it right now. 

“There’s food on the table, since you missed lunch and dinner. You don’t have to talk to me if you’re not ready yet, but...at least, please eat.” You know you’re probably hungry. It’s been hours, so you should be. 

She doesn’t say anything else after that, and you hear the floor squeak as she leaves. Shit, now you’re awake, too awake. You sit up on your bed, still clinging to the pillow. Your phone lights up with a message, and you turn it off. You don’t want to talk to anyone right now. They wouldn’t get it, not what you’ve dealt with. Right after you lost Dad, you thought Rose would get it too, since, you know, her mom died with him. But that mom was Roxy, so really, she got to have her mom back. They both did. Jade got Jake, Jake got Jade. Even Jane, she got to have her dad. Her stupid dad, in her stupid house, and, you were alone. 

It just makes you..so.. Angry!!! And it makes you so incredibly sad.  
It’s hard. It’s hard and nobody understands. 

You grasp onto your pillow, just wishing you had anyone to hold onto, so you wouldn’t be alone here. You stare out the window, watching the leaves on your old tree bend and sway with the wind. You can hear it softly whistling against your window pane, the tapping of branches a beat in your head. It sings you a lullaby, one that sounds like home.

You don’t know how long the storm lasts. You don’t know how much time passes. You don’t know anything, and you don’t want to know anything. You’re awake and asleep, awake and asleep. You don’t want to be you. You want to be dumb and young and clueless and happy. 

Why shouldn’t you, anyways?  
What’s an heir that can’t be free?  
...  
What are you doing here?


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13: Dirk.

TG: okay so  
TG: im sorta not supposed to tell you about this  
TG: janey wanted to handle this herself and i support her!  
TG: but she says john hasnt left his room for a couple days now  
TG: and hes my friend too and im really worried about him too but  
TG: he seemed totes cool the other day  
TG: did somethin happen?

You fucked up. You completely, utterly fucked up. You didn’t think that you could fuck up this much, but there it is, the much has been fucked. 

It’s been three days since you’ve heard from John, and two since you’ve talked to Roxy. Saying that you’re worried doesn’t even start to cover it. God damn it WHY is it that the second you get attached, and you decide, hey! Maybe it’s actually safe enough for you to open up to this person! That’s the moment that they leave, or they hurt you, or you manage to do SOMETHING that ruins everything forever. Congratulations, Dirk, you’ve done it. You’ve fucked up again. 

You’ve made an extensive list in your head of all the things you definitely messed up with, and an even longer list of what was way too risky to be okay. You were trying to get a hold of John for a couple of days, but once Roxy reached out to you you realized that you must have messed up a lot worse than you thought. Leave it to you to be so self absorbed that you hurt other people without realizing. That’s just you, isn’t it? You’re treading the rabbit hole, trying to piece together the perfect apology so that even if John doesn’t want to be friends with you anymore, he won't suffer Permanent Strider damage. 

You check your phone for the umpteenth time today, looking for anything. You almost miss that you’ve gotten a message ironically, and you fumble to open pesterchum. 

GG: Dirk, I need your help.  
GG: I messed up, bad.  
GG: I thought I could do this alone, but he’s not even coming out to eat anymore.  
GG: I’m very worried about him.  
GG: I know you want to be a good friend to him, and he wants to be a good friend to you.  
GG: He really cares about you, Dirk.  
GG: Can you please try to get him out?

You stare at the screen, dumbfounded. What the fuck did she DO? You start typing out a response, getting together as much John-like shit to bring with you. You’ll get food along the way, what else will you need?? You grab your blanket, the movies he asked to see, and the rest of the pancake mix from a few days ago, and shove it all into your backpack. At this point it’s starting to look like you’re going on a hiking trip but you really don’t care. 

TT: I’ll be there soon. 

You stop by a market, getting just about as many snacks as you can, taking care to avoid the Crocker logo, just in case. Once you’ve got it all, you head over to Jane’s.

She opens at your first knock,and you step inside. You don’t pay her any words, just follow her to John’s room. 

You knock twice. 

“John, it’s me.” Your voice comes out softer than you were expecting, and you struggle to calm your heart, which is racing like it’s in its final lap of the Kentucky Derby. You give Jane a look and she leaves you alone.  
“I’m coming in.”

You press open the door, which surprisingly was unlocked. First you notice the room itself, messy strewn apart. Damn, it looks like a storm literally came through. So that’s what a temper tantrum looks like, huh. You look from the floor to the posters, and then up. On his bed, you finally see him. Your heart leaps a little at seeing him, then sinks when you really see him. He’s curled up, with his back turned to you, and the air feels dead in the room. You sit on the edge of the bed, reaching over towards him, unsure. You place an arm on his shoulder, and he doesn’t move.

“You awake?” You ask, and he gently nods. That brings you a bit of relief, and you let go of his shoulder. He catches your hand as you pull away, and sits up, rubbing his eyes. He sways slightly, almost losing his balance, and you help him sit up. 

“Do you feel like you can eat?” He looks up at you, and you take in his face. His hair is messy, sticking up in all sorts of directions. His eyes have deep bags, even though it seems like he’s been sleeping a lot. His body is trembling, and his eyes, which usually shine blue, look grey and dull. He looks up at you wearily. 

“Can you try?” You ask. He’s still holding your hand, so you let go of it to get your bag. He makes a small noise, but lets you go. You take out a bottle of water and, looking inside the bag, move it towards him. 

“I wasn’t sure what you liked, so I got pretty much everything..” You see him finally smile, and even when he looks like such a mess, he’s beautiful. He laughs, just a little, and takes out a pack of cookies. Chips Ahoy, the soft ones. He nibbles at it, and you push him the bottle of water, and he takes a sip. 

“Thanks,” he says, and his voice cracks a little. “For coming over, and the food and stuff.”

“Oh, it’s not just food. I’ve got movies and games too, since I wasn’t sure what you’d want to do. I know you mentioned the Ghostbusters MMORPG once?” 

He smiles sadly, looking away. “I still have my old account, actually. Jade and I played it for a while while we were on the ship, you know, in the timeline where I wasn’t dead.”

“We could play again. And by play, I mean I can totally beat your ass.” His smile gets a little bigger, and your heart feels like you just can’t take him being sad for another moment. 

“We can! I’m just, a little hungry right now.. Do you mind if I eat first?” You look down at the cookie tray, which is half empty. Holy crap, this guy can really pack some cookies. You laugh, and give him the bag. He immediately starts digging, taking out what he likes and throwing everything else back in the bag. You guess those are going to be yours, then. 

He spends a while just eating, while you remind him to drink water about every 10 minutes or so. After some point, he gets annoyed with you pestering him, and squirts you with the bottle instead, you getting a full blast of the water. You yelped and tried to grab the bottle from him, instead just getting more on the bed.  
“Damn it!!” John yells, but he’s smiling more, almost enough. In his effort to dry his bed you manage to grab the water from him, and he jumps at you, trying to snatch it away. You reach your hand as far away from him as possible, and he climbs over you to get it. 

“Wow Egbert, you are all over me today,” You yell, and he laughs. Alllmost there. He uses his wind powers to get it out of your hand when he can’t reach far enough.  
“HEY! Foul play, Egbert. I get all of the points.” He points the bottle in your face, threatening you.  
“No, I get all of the points and you totally lose because you’re super lame and I’m the best!!!!” He smiles, and there it is. You count in your head...and the dimples pop from his cheeks. As soon as they’re there, though, they disappear. He goes quiet and finishes the bottle, staring down into the blankets. 

There’s something about hearing a guy who talks so much not say anything at all. It makes you listen harder, you think. A minute passes. 

“I wasn’t expecting you to come,” He says, still looking away. 

“Well, I was worried, and-”

“I don’t mean that. I mean…” His eyes focus harder into the blanket, “I wasn’t expecting you to come back.”

What’s that supposed to mean?

“I’m not sure I understand.” You say, keeping your voice still. Does he want you to leave?

He looks like he wants to speak, but can’t. He just scoots a bit closer to you, and stays quiet, pointedly looking away. You’re trying to connect dots here, but you still have yet to understand what’s happened here. 

“Do you, uh. Want to talk about it?” You ask. There you go, a coherent sentence, that wasn’t so hard. What is it with you and words. You think, you speak, it’s not that hard. 

John rummages through your bag until he finds the aforementioned Ghostbusters game. “Can we play for a bit?”

Anything that’ll make you happy again, John. 

“Sure.”

A bit is apparently a few hours, but you’re okay with it. You don’t mind spending time with him- surprisingly it doesn’t feel like a waste, either. It’s not like you’ve touched any of your personal projects, so you’re okay with just hanging out with him. So you play until the sun starts to set, and then some. You play easy with him until he catches you for it, and then you rank it up again until he’s feeling the heat of competition. He seems happier with a challenge, so that’s good. 

You’re in possibly your 13th round of playing, and your team is completely demolishing his when you realize that John isn’t playing anymore. He’s thrown the remote down, so you follow suit. He turns off the TV and the room falls quiet. John shifts slightly, and the bed creaks under his weight. 

He leans over until his head is on your shoulder, and you can tell that he’s probably not comfortable that way, so you open your arms, and he lays his head on your chest instead. You can feel your heart racing, but you put that away for now. You guess this is him getting ready to talk. 

It takes a long time, but you’re patient. 

“I miss my dad.” His voice cracks as he says it. He’s breathing heavily, like he’s trying to hold back tears. 

“I miss him so much.”

A small part of you wants to find every single person who’s hurt your friend and rip the soul from their body as a message to stay away, to keep him safe. But first, you should focus on him. 

“What was he like?” 

“He was the best dad ever,” John says, smiling to himself, and you see tears brimming his eyes. You’re really gonna have to beat the shit out of whatever guy did this, you swear. “He taught me how to play piano, and he taught me how to cook, and he raised me all by himself, after nanna passed. He knew the best jokes, and he always had these weird harlequins all over the house, I thought they were so weird, but...I think he just wanted to make me happy.” His eyes are swimming with tears, and the first one finally runs free. “He did so much to make me happy, and then he was gone, gone in this horrible game that ruined everything and took a lot of things away from a lot of good people! I got it on my birthday, and all I remember is being angry about a ton of stupid cakes. I was about to lose my dad, and all I could think about was cake!!” His hands are clinging desperately to your shirt, and you feel your chest pounding so hard you don’t know what to do. 

“You didn’t know, John…” You say quietly, patting his back awkwardly, but he’s not finished. 

“He was the best dad in the world, Dirk.” He’s trying to wipe the tears from his face but they keep coming, and you offer him a sleeve to wipe them on. “No one else will ever be able to know how amazing he was because now he’s gone, and he’s never coming back. My dad isn’t going to come back.”

The words settle in the air, and they remind you of when you were younger, and you lost the one you looked up to for so long. 

“Yeah,” You say, putting your head on John’s as you feel that old sting again. “Yeah, he’s gone.”

“...but now I know how amazing he was too, right? He took care of you and he loved you, and if that doesn’t make him an amazing dad then I don’t know what would.”

“I guess that makes it feel a little better,” John says, and that’s all you need. 

“I know it’s been a long time, but if you wanted, you could hold a funeral...you could get people around, and tell them about him, or something like that.”

John thinks for a moment. “I think I can do something.” He decaptchalogs an entire stone tablet, almost crushing one of your legs. “From LoWaS,” He says at your surprised face, and starts carving into it. Shit, this guy’s stronger than you imagined, huh. 

You give him his space as he writes his Dad’s name, ‘Dad’, into the block, the years he lived, and then beneath it, “He was always proud of me.” You imagine he really would be, after all he’s been through. You couldn’t imagine feeling anything but pride for a kid like that. 

He gets off the bed once he’s finished carving into the tablet, and zaps out of the room, and then into the backyard, then back into the house, and back out with...a grand piano. He doesn’t call you out with him, so you watch from the window as he sits in front of it and plays a song in the dark. The wind picks up, but it’s not storming anymore. Your phone gets a text. 

GG: What is he doing outside?

You read the text, and look at John again. You can tell that he’s strong, in every way. You haven’t touched your Heart powers in a long time, but you think maybe, it might work. 

You close your eyes and try to send a message to his soul, wherever it may be. “Your son loves you, and he misses you. He hopes you hear his song.” You don’t know if you get a response, but your heart resonates with a feeling of pride. 

GG: Is that our piano?

TT: Yes. 

TT: Give him a minute. 

TT: He's saying goodbye. 


	14. Denial

Chapter 14: John. 

You stayed up for a long time last night, and your head feels sore from talking, so much talking. You talked to Dirk about dad, you talked to Jane about your fight, she apologized to both of you, and it was a big ol’ apology circus. After that was over, Dirk was about to leave, and after being alone and doing nothing for a couple days you were sort of sick of it, so you asked him stay, and you were super polite about it, and you totally didn’t just physically latch onto him until you fell asleep, giving him no means of escape. And then a few hours later when you woke up to pee and found him on the floor, you absolutely did NOT get your blanket and try to sleep on the floor with him, tossing and turning so much that he woke up and you made him get back on the bed. He didn’t have to feel his way onto the bed because you refused to give him his glasses when you wanted to see his whole face, and you by all means did not find it absolutely adorable when he tried to smack you in the dark for being such a little shit. None of that happened, definitely not. 

You’re just happy to see that he’s there when you wake up. In the mid-morning sun, his face is clearly illuminated, and this is the first time you’ve managed to get a look, a really good look at his face. Putting on your glasses, you realize that this might be your only chance you can get to see it, so you look-and you’re not sure what exactly he’s afraid of. His face is covered in freckles, just like his arms, dusted over his cheeks and nose, and there’s even a few everywhere else. His eyelashes are white, pure white, like they’ve been covered in snow. Hmm...that strikes you as really cool! You wonder whether Dave looks like that too- all pretty and stuff. Then there’s his scars, the ones you saw on his arms, and one just under there where his glasses would have met his face, a light line curved to the contours of his face. You look down to his neck, seeing the more familiar scar that you’ve definitely thought about before. You’ve seen Dirk shirtless before, but you can’t help wondering whether there’s more you haven’t seen, hiding beneath his clothing. More of the scars, or burns, or maybe even something else you’ve never seen before. 

You wonder how they feel. 

You reach out your hand, just a little bit. You know you shouldn’t touch him, so you just reach out your hand, until it hovers over his heart. Then you close your eyes and listen to the air around him, like some kind of wavelength heartbeat. It’s fast. 

He’s awake. 

“How long have you been up for?” You ask, sitting up. He stays motionless, but replies. 

“A while now, at least.” His voice sounds a little hoarse, you notice. 

“Why didn’t you wake me up?” Could he notice you looking at him? Gosh that’s really embarrassing. You really hope not.

“I thought you could use some rest. You had a bit of a long night, anyways.” He speaks to you with his eyes still closed, and it annoys you a little, but you don’t push it. You pick up his glasses from his nightstand and slide them onto his face. “Thanks,” He says, with that tiny smile that’s started to become some sort of craving for you. 

“You want breakfast?” You ask. You’re pretty sure all he’s eaten were some of your rejected snacks. You wonder briefly if he actually liked them or if he just ate them so they wouldn’t be wasted. He nods, but doesn’t get up. 

“It...was really weird while you were gone, John.” He says, sitting up all the way. “I think I was becoming used to you living out of my apartment.” Shit,   
“I’m sorry!”  
“There’s no reason to apologize,” He turns his head towards you, “I liked having you around.”  
He’s breathing faster, but only you can see it.   
“I don’t want to stop seeing you. It’s so fucking weird because you’re you and we haven’t known each other for long, but I keep finding myself going back to you. I couldn’t do shit until you got me off my ass, I couldn’t talk to anyone I used to know, and then suddenly you’ve come along and everyone’s messaging me. I got a text from JAKE of all people last night,”  
His ex. Why?  
“I feel like you really came at a bad time, and I wasn’t ready, and I want to be better.”  
What is he talking about?  
“And I also wanted to thank you. Because if you hadn’t come that day I don’t know when I would have actually left my place.   
His voice is getting softer, and his ramblings are starting to become mumblings.   
“I’m really happy that you’re in my life and if there’s anything you ever need then I want to be there for you, too”  
You missed about half of that. “What?”  
“I…’ Dirk takes a second to put himself back together and sits up straight, speaking much clearer but his face is bright red.   
“I’ve spent my past entire fucking timeline being entirely focused on myself, always, without any end. I’m never able to stop picking myself apart-”  
“I’ve noticed,” You interrupt,  
“Shut up,” He replies and continues, “I just want to give you that too.” He’s mumbled the whole last part together, so you ask, “What was that?”  
He looks frustrated, bent in on himself like a gremlin, or maybe like a transformer? “I want you to feel like you can come to me too, okay?” He takes a breath and keeps talking. Hehehe, takes a breath..maybe you should start charging for air. “I want you to feel like you can talk to me when you’re sad or fuckin’...angry, or whatever shit is going on in your head.” He looks at you again, and holy shit his shades are cool but you HATE them sometimes. You get what he means, though, and it makes you laugh.  
“What’s so funny?” He asks. Oops, you made him defensive.   
“It’s really stupid.” You say, and his eyebrows give you a, ‘go on,’ kind of look. “I didn’t think you were going to come back,” His hands are fidgeting and it almost distracts you, “My head was saying stuff like, ‘he’s friends with Roxy now, so...”   
“So what, I wouldn’t be friends with you anymore? That’s bullshit, John and you know it.”

“I do! I know that now,” You say, and he goes back to fidgeting with his hands. 

“I wouldn’t do that to you.” He says, while he picks at his nails. “And I won’t, just so you know. If you don’t want to be alone, you don’t have to be. I’m here.” He stops and you can almost feel his stare through his shades. “Okay?” You nod, trying to repeat his words into your brain so that you can believe it. Your heart knows it’s true. 

“I’m sorry I forced you to stay last night,” You say, thinking of how you couldn’t even let the poor guy sleep through the night. 

“I wanted to.” He replies. Wow, that's...very forward. “I mean, you’ve been to my place so many times, so it's about time I get the digs on the Egbert house, hah. It’s a nice place, and uh..” He looks around awkwardly, and you can tell he’s improvising. “Bed. You have a nice bed.” He does a little jump and it squeaks loudly, and he blushes deeply. “Uh, do me a favor and never fuck some chick on this bed. The whole neighborhood would probably hear you. Which is cool if you like that, just y’know. Gotta give the warning.”

It’s kinda funny to listen to him go off. “No chicks on the bed, got it! Anything else make you want to stay?” 

His face hasn’t calmed down. You kinda hoped there would be a better reason, but since he’s mentioned Jake this morning his face has been flushing all the time-and that’s really cool, that’s okay! Jake’s a really cool guy. Is he the right guy for Dirk? Not like you can say, that’s not your business. Literally none of it is your business. Are you jealous? No, No. Not at all. You might just have a few sleepless nights over the prospect, is all. 

“So, uh...you and Jake, huh?” That’s as classy as you’re going to get it.

“Me and Jake. If that wasn’t a hot topic. You haven’t heard?” He replies, and your heart SINKS. Wow, wow okay you didn’t think that was going to hurt but it did! You’ll open that can of worms later. 

“Yeah, I really fucked it up, there too.” You look at him, confused, and he sighs. “Does it really matter? I swaddled the guy with enough attention and attack robots that he got scared off, end of story. Who knew trying too hard was a fantastic way to fuck up a relationship, because it did. In fact, it fucked up more than just the relationship between him and I.” Oh, shit. That kinda sucks. 

“Is that why Jane doesn’t like you?” You ask. Out of the frying pan and into the fire, since his breathing catches. 

“I’d stake a guess on ‘definitely’. She’s not going to be running to my good graces soon, anyways. We’re talking again though, so that’s a start. I really could have handled all of it better.” You guess you get that. From what you’ve seen with your friends, first relationships are hard. 

“Are you going to try again?” You hope he doesn’t think you’re prying. 

“No, I’m not.” He seems very determined about that, so you trust him on it. “I don’t think my heart could handle it.” Woah. You’re gonna have to make sure whatever suitor he gets is going to treat him right- or at least, not completely ghost him. He falls in love hard, apparently. He needs a good guy.

“Are you two going to eat breakfast? It’s getting cold!” That’s Jane, in the kitchen. 

Dirk looks at you and shrugs. “Free food. You coming?” You stand up with him, and you both go outside. 

The scar around his neck goes all the way around the back, and he has freckles on it, too. His hair is more poofy than spiky from being slept on. You can remember his face when you close your eyes, with his pretty eyelashes and scarred nose and chapped lips. It’s not like it’s that important. It’s just what you see.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you thought this chapter was boring, then you're not alone, so did I <3333


	15. The Chapter Where Dirk Realizes, But He Actually Wasn't The First One To Fall In Love, John Has Been Denying It For A While Now.

Chapter 15: Dirk

There’s a weird buzz going on in your head that’s making it hard for you to speak or think, but it gets better once you have a full stomach. Damn, his family can COOK. You wouldn’t mind getting with one of them just so you could eat here every night. Unfortunately, you don’t have many options, since everyone would see through you being with Jane, John’s...you’ll think of a good excuse later, and if you laid a single move on her dad you’re fairly sure they’d both kill you temporarily. You’ll work on it, though. 

Jake texted you last night. It seems like John probably thought it was because of your past relationship, but it wasn’t. It was a warning. A good one, too, even though it was peppered with weird fancy words that made pretty much no sense put together into a sentence. But you got the message, anyways. You wouldn’t dream of hurting John, so you told him not to worry. 

As soon as you’re both done cleaning up from breakfast, John asks you to stay. You were going to try and get home to get whatever weird energy you’ve been having out of your system with a good ol’ fashioned spar, but you’re sure it can wait. He goes immediately for the bag pulling out the last Harry Potter film. Oh HELL no. 

“What do you think you’re doing with that?” You ask. At least give him a chance to fix his mistake.

“Putting on a movie!” He looks at the case, and shows it to you. “The last one, just like you promised!!”

Oh HEEEELLL no!!!

“Oh HELLLLL no.” You say. Hey, some thoughts just translate really well into words. “The other ones are in there, and it’ll be a much better experience if you watch them all at once.” He sighs and puts it back, opting for the first movie instead. “Better be lots of hairy potts in this one I swear,” You hear him grumble. You laugh out of surprise. What the shit? He gives you a goofy smile at your laugh. 

He settles into a sitting position on his bed, and you take your growingly familiar spot next to him. He gets pretty transfixed into the movie pretty quick, and you don’t have the heart to tell him that the author was a complete jackass in your session. It’s been a while since you’ve seen the movies, though, so you watch along with him, at least until halfway through the movie. John got pretty bored during the part where they went into the forbidden forest, and you’re not going to yell at him to watch-the important parts of the movie are always so fuckin’ loud that it’s hard to miss it, anyways. Your attention is split between the movie(in case he doesn’t see something important) and him, as he’s leaning over the side of the bed, rummaging through the drawers by his bed. Woah, check out that ass- No, Nope. Movie. Wow isn’t this movie amazing. Mmmm, yep. They’re still in the fucking woods. Dramatic music. His ass is permanently engraved in your brain now isn’t it yes it is. You hear the bed creak, and he sits back up. You assume-fuck that word, GUESS, that it’s safe for you to look based on that. Ah, he’s got a marker. 

“Haha, your face is so red!! You look like a dork.” You make a face you’re not sure you can describe, but the closest descriptor would be the midway point between a grimace, a smile, and an overall look of neutral displeasure. “You’re a dork,” You snap, but he’s leaning in closer to you and you feel like your head is about to implode, what does he want from you?? You look away as your face grows warmer. “You know, you act like a tough guy, Dirk, but I can see through you. You’re a sooooftie.” 

“No,” You retort, but it sounds more like you’re whining, shit. “No, man, I’m the hardest guy you’ll ever meet. I’m so fuckin’ hard you don’t even know.” His eyes dart up and down in a second and he fucking LOOSES it, all before you can really comprehend your words. Fuck!! 

“Fuck you, Egbert.” He wiggles his eyebrows and you can’t help but laugh with him. He’s fucking ridiculous, this guy. 

Once you’ve both settled down, you fill him in on what he missed, even though you missed a couple minutes due to your brain not working properly. He asks you a weird ass question after that, whether he can draw on you. You tell him you couldn’t care less, and he moves in closer, holding your arm steady and drawing on it. You can’t believe how fucking touch starved you are. Your brain begins to focus on every sensory detail, the trail of the marker, his cool hands, the way he holds you firmly, like he’s not afraid of anything. He doesn’t have anything to be afraid of, of course, but still. It’s something you notice. What you don’t notice, however, is how long you watch him, because he absolutely notices. 

“See something you like?” See, up until this moment, you were completely convinced, at least you’d convinced yourself that there was no way you’d ever like this guy. It’s the principal of the thing, and he’s off limits. But with his bright eyes boring into your heart like that, his hand on your arm, your brain short circuiting like- well, SOMETHING, you think you might have fucked up. You give him the soft smile that he’s somehow manages to draw out of you, and feels natural at that, and say, 

“Nope.” You know, like a liar. When you say that, he almost looks disappointed, like he expected something else. You don’t know what to make of that, so you don’t. You try to focus on the TV screen, while he reaches over for your other arm. You run through the past few days, piecing it all together. You met him, you liked being around him. Your mind is putting together a portfolio to blame yourself, and in the midst you try and stop yourself for a second. You’re gonna figure it out. You might have caught feelings for a guy you just met, okay. That’s not a problem, you have plenty of time to fix this before it gets bad. Before you end up hurting him just like you messed up Jake. You glance down at your arm, where John’s drawn little brown lines between your freckles. Fuck, that’s adorable. 

“Okay, so I don’t know anything about constellations, but I do know they have names, so…” He points at the one closest to the top of your shoulder. “This one’s sweet bro, and this one..” He traces down to the bottom of your arm, “Is hella jeff. He just fell down so many stairs.” You can’t think of what to say to that, you just feel your heart drowning in some kind of warmth you haven’t felt in a long time. It feels like the good moments at home. It feels like swimming for hours, talking to your friends, watching a movie. It feels like the sun setting on the water, and there isn’t a single house or tree for miles to block your view. “This one’s Geromy, he’s watching.” His hair is black, and he wears glasses that are almost too big for his face. “Why don’t we call that one earth?” He thinks about it for a moment, then nods. “Not like I have any better ideas yet…” His smile is the brightest thing you’ve ever seen, and it makes you want to smile with him, just to share the happiness he always seems to radiate. “Oh!! This one’s Casey, I like that one.” “Like your lizard?” “She’s a SALAMANDER, jackass.” His eyes are. Yeah, they’re fuckin blue. Like the sky, and the water, and his walls. “How about we call this one Deltruis?” You ask, and nods excitedly. “Oooh that sounds cool! Nice one!” His hands are kinda big, compared to your skinny ones. He looks strong, even if he’s a little bit chubby. “Ghost. Just ‘ghost’ that would sound so cool.” Your own laugh surprises you, as it just feels natural and right. Something about all of this feels right. “That has unbound levels of cool attached to it. It's a douchebag motorcycle with the sickest sidecar.” There’s so many names you both think of, and you know you’re not going to be able to remember any of them. All you can remember is him, like a fresh memory. 

When you go home, you let yourself fall back on your bed, playing it all through in your head, again, and again, and again. 

You’re completely fucked. 

Windy boy has got you fucked. Up. 

You’re fucked!

And you’re okay with that.


	16. Dave Kat Canon?????

Chapter 16: John. 

You got a text from Rose today, the first in a while. You jump towards your phone, reading quickly-she’s inviting you to a bonfire in the back of her house, and you think you’re finally okay enough for a get together! “Dress warm,” She added, “It gets rather cold in the woods at night.” It’s in a couple of days, so you don’t worry too much. You go out and buy a fuckton of marshmallows anyways, because a bonfire without marshmallows can hardly be considered a bonfire at all. You take the chance to talk to a few of your other friends, and Dave and Karkat agree to ride with you there, which is pretty nice. Dirk’s coming with you which, even though he can fly, just feels like a given. 

You spend the first day leading up trying to spend a little family time with Jane, and you’ve started to notice a couple differences between her dad and yours. He isn’t obsessed with the harlequins like your dad used to be, or clowns, or anything like that! He almost reminds you of a detective a little bit, like an undercover spy. You liked to imagine your dad was a super cool trickster on the side. He has the same kind of gaunt, kind face that your dad had, but it’s almost like they aged differently. He talks different, he acts different, and he’s really good at charades. Jane’s better, though, and you’re totally the best. She beats you at guess who, and you beat her in monopoly, and at the end of the night, you help them cook a Crocker-not Betty Crocker- meal, and you realize that food sorta tastes better when you’ve helped to make it.

Dirk calls you after dinner, and he’s working on an old project, which he seems really, really happy about. Of course, his excitement is masked behind a stoic ironic persona, but it’s totally there and he can’t hide it from you. When you call him out on it, he hangs up, and you call him right back, laughing the whole time. The night almost seems to pass by so quickly, and you almost feel weightless when you talk to him. When it gets late, you turn off the lights and fall asleep with the phone next to you, listening to the sound of rambling and mechanical whirring. You don’t really know what all of it means, but he sounds really happy, so you don’t care. You don’t even think he noticed you fall asleep.

The next morning, the calls’ ended, and you wake up bright and early to a text that Dirk’s gonna be with Roxy, and they’re gonna catch up a little bit. You’re a little disappointed to read that, but knowing how important that is to both of them, you wish him the best and tell him you’ll be around. By around, of course, you mean sitting in your bed and waiting for the day to be over. Not so you can talk to him, just...yeah, you just want to talk to him. Wow, that's really lame. The first hour, you check up on any missed messages and watch everyone’s snap stories. Then you go to instagram, watch a compilation of the most badass Nic Cage scenes ever(hell yeah!!), and take a midday nap, which only lasts about a couple hours but makes your head feel like ass. God, you need a hobby. Shouldn’t Dirk be back already? You eat with Jane, Jake, and her dad that night and you’re feeling okay, just a little bit lonely. 

You kinda miss him when he’s not around. 

When the time comes, Dirk, Dave and Karkat join you in the ride down. Dave and Karkat insisted on being in the backseat together, and Dirk sits next to you. He looks nice today, though that might just be the hoodie talking. How many times has he worn that hoodie already? Geez, you hope he washed it. You’re starting to suspect he doesn’t own anything else with long sleeves. 

You almost feel like time has slowed down while you’re driving, but that might just be the nerves talking. Or perhaps Dave has a nervous habit and those are HIS nerves talking. You’re not sure, but the ride is starting to get uncomfortably quiet. You rack your brain for a second, making sure you hadn’t forgotten anything. Nope, marshmallows are there, Dirk brought shitty fake katanas to roast marshmallows on, and your guests are in the back, so you’re all well and accounted for. Casey, of course, stayed home for the night in case the party became too much for her sensitive soul. You’d normally be alright with the silence- you appreciate a nice drive, but this is driving you crazy. Will someone talk already? Your hand is itching to turn on the radio, but the time doesn’t seem quite right. Come on. Someone please. Just say something.

“OKAY, CAN WE CUT THE CRAP?” 

Karkat, you lovable bastard, you friendship emotion, you best troll.   
Dirk and Dave both jump, and you see Dirk shuffle uncomfortably in the seat next to you. He looks at you, and you can feel his breathing shake and waver. He’s going to be okay, though, you know it. You’ve talked about this, and now that the moment is happening, you’ve just gotta believe in him. After a little reassurance from you, he’s the first to speak. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t come out to see you. At any point in time.”  
“It was months, man. We were worried about you.”  
“HE WAS REALLY FUCKING WORRIED ABOUT YOU,” Karkat added.   
“I- I know. And I’m sorry. I could give you a million excuses as to why I did it and what I did wrong, but the point of the matter is that it happened, and I’m sorry.”  
“Are you okay now?” The car goes quiet again, and you take one hand off the wheel to lay it closer to his. A silent ‘I’m here.’   
“Yeah, I’ve been good,” He replies. “Your friend here is a total doof though.”  
“Hey!” You exclaim, but you’re not really mad.   
Dave laughs. “I’d say I was surprised that it took Egbert to get you out of that shithole, but honestly? I’m not. He’s too nice. He’d probably run into a fire to save some kittens or something, in fact, he probably will. Karkat, remember that will you? I’ve got to place a bet on that.”  
“I WILL NOT.”   
“Aww...c’mon man. So how exactly did you lure my hermit brother out anyway, hat on a string?”  
“Cake, actually,” You chime in. Dave looks surprised.   
“I was hungry that day,” Dirk grumbles. Aww, he’s all embarrassed. “But, uh. The cake was good? And you’re right.” He looks at you with a smile, and you feel a cool, breezy, light feeling in your chest. “John’s really cool.”   
“Ohhhh, mister cool guy thinks I’m cool!!” You jump on your opportunity and he grimaces, dodging your hand as it tries to mess up his hair. He swats it away as you come around for your next attack.  
“Nope. I take it back. Dave, he is the douchiest guy that has ever existed. On a scale, I’d say he’s below nine thousand.”

“THAT’S JOHN FOR YOU.” You grin, and you’re surprised to feel like everything’s going fine, even though you’re not one-on-one anymore. Dirk takes your hand and squeezes it, before letting go. His face is flushed, like it usually is, but he’s smiling, so you smile back. Everything is gonna be alright. 

When you step out of the car, there are a few people already there, and Dirk follows you like a shadow, Dave and Karkat filing behind. Rose and Kanaya are there of course, as well as Terezi, who Dave and Karkat go to greet first. Jake and Jane are there too, sitting together on one of the logs by the firepit. Jake waves over to you and you wave back, and you feel Dirk try to angle himself behind you. You give them an apolegetic smile and go to Rose and Kanaya, to thank them for their invitation and also check out what snacks they have. Ooooh, chips..Who even likes veggie platters, anyways? You give Kanaya the marshmallows, and Rose gives a skeptical look towards the katanas. When she sees Dirk, she smiles at you and winks. Hehehe, she’s so weird. When they leave to greet everyone else coming in, you turn to Dirk. He looks reasonably uncomfortable.

“Not ready to talk to him yet?” You feel that nasty feeling sparking inside you again. He’s got butterflies over a guy, so what? It’s not like you have anything to be worried about. Or like you weren’t feeling the exact same way a couple hours ag- nope. Repress that line. 

“I’m ready. Just not at this moment.” You take a look back at Jake, as he guffaws at a joke Jane made. The look on her face makes it look like it wasn’t a joke, but she laughs along anyways. 

“You know, you won’t be able to get back with him if you don’t talk.” You say. You wouldn’t mind if they didn’t, but you can’t be a bad friend just because of some personal BS, right?  
“You’ve got to try, at least!” Please don’t. God you’re an asshole.

You feel like you’re about to start sweating, even though the night is chilly. Since when have you been the jealous type? He’s just your friend. Your attractive, funny, dependable, cool friend who you casually check out every time you see him, and fawn over his every word. You know. Normal friend stuff!

“I don’t want to be back with him.” 

Oh, shit. 

“Well, um....just say hello anyway, you don’t wanna be rude!” You reply, trying not to look TOO happy. He gives you a long look, or maybe he’s looking at something behind you. Wow you would really look dumb staring into his glasses if he was looking at something else, huh. He raises an eyebrow at you, and tilts his head a little bit. Ah, shit. Cool guy charms are really doing a number on you tonight. 

“I will.” He replies. Guess you passed some sort of Strider staredown? Whatever it was, it’s left what’s left of your pride and understanding of self in shreds on the floor. He walks over to talk to Jake, and you watch him from afar, stress eating half the bowl of chips before you’ve realized they’re gone. What do you want from Dirk, why are you acting like this?? You look at his (UN)gelled hair. You want to mess that up, for sure. You look at the back of his neck. You want to know that story, too. He has a nice back, which as you think it, feels like a super weird thing to say. A part of you wants to know what it would be like to hold him. He seems so..untouchable, in a way, like there’s a force field around him, but whenever you’re close to him, he seems happier, and you like seeing him happy. You like the way his skin feels, and even him squeezing your hand in the car didn’t feel like enough. 

You want to get closer. 

Whatever, uh, that means to you. Because it’s not gay! hahaha! It’s just a feeling, that’s all. 

You tear your eyes from him-you mean, you look away, it wasn’t that hard, and you go to say hi to some other people. Terezi gives you a good sniff, Jade tackles you with a hug that almost pushes you to the ground, and Karkat looks at you, then at Dirk, makes a face, and proceeds to give you the coldest shoulder you’ve ever been served. Daaaaamn. 

There’s a long time where everyone just talks for a while, and if you’re honest, you’re feeling a little overwhelmed. Even after you’d caught Dirk, who looked just as shell-shocked as you were feeling, all everyone seems to talk about it who’s with who, what they’ve been doing, and then asking about you- and you’ve never felt so useless before, as when you realize you’ve been doing a big, heaping load of nothing since you’ve been here. Everyone has plans, and people, and hopes for the future, and you just hadn’t been thinking about all that, you guess. You were taking things day by day. Even before all this, you didn’t know what you were going to do. It’s so much to think about, and you kind of just want to go home. You sneak a panicked glance at everyone else- Dave, check. Talking to Rose. Or, based on the hand gestures, rapping at her. Karkat, right by his side. He looks halfway between horrified and disappointed. Kanaya seems amused by it all. You look back at the seat next to you, and good. Good, Dirk’s still there. He seems to be dealing with the questions just about the same as you were, but with answers instead of silence. He doesn’t crack, huh. In your little fit, you’ve bored off Terezi, who you called over because you thought SHE of all people would be able to get your mind off your mental breakdown of life as you know it. But even worse than being uncomfortable talking with someone is not having anyone to talk with, because now you’re the only one alone. Shit, shit, shit, shit...you move your hand back a little as you look around, your pinky brushing against Dirk’s. He moves it away, turning to you with an apology on his lips, and you take his hand, squeezing it as you calm yourself. See, it's fine, Dave is coming to talk to you. Dave is a bro, he’ll get it. Breathe innnnnn... Dirk squeezes your hand back, and you breathe out, letting it wash over your body. 

“Hey, John.” Dave looks at you. His eyebrows are raised, making you suspect he noticed your little panicked spectacle. 

“Can we talk?”

“Yeah, sure!” You stand up with excitement, and Dirk turns to you as you walk away with him. ‘I’ll be okay,’ You mouth, and you hope that he gets it. He gives you a thumbs up. Hell yeah!

“How has he been?” He asks you, once you’re a little out of earshot. Oh thank goodness. You can handle this conversation. Anything as long as it’s not about you. 

“He’s been okay, at least I think so! He was working on a project a couple of nights ago, which is new for him. Plus, he’s here! You totally owe me one Dave.” You give him a playful punch, and he smiles. You’re joking at the last part, but he seems to take it seriously. 

“Thanks for that. I hadn’t exactly asked for you to go but if it takes your weird prankster's gambit or whatever shit to get him out of that hellhole, then I’ll take it. And I guess him being here means he really likes you too, huh?”

Your face flushes. “I think he just wanted to see you guys, it’s not like he likes being with me like that or anything!”

“Hey, hey, no need to be worried, man. It’s okay. I just want you to know that, like. I’m happy it’s you, y’know?” He gives you a calm smile, and you stay quiet, although completely confused. “You’re my best friend, so you already know just how hard I can beat your ass if you do anything to him. By which I mean, don’t be a dick. As a rule of thumb. I really care about him, so...yeah, don’t be a dick. That’s the moral of the story. Uhh…” Dave looks around, and you try to follow his trail of vision. You stop midway to see Dirk, who looks like a cyclone has just blown through. Following where his look is aimed towards, it seems like Hurricane Karkat has come to town. Woah, the poor guy. 

“Seems like he’s just about done too,” Dave says, turning to you. “I’m gonna go back to my...b.boyfriend now, so…” Wait, his boyfriend? So they WERE- aaaand he’s gone. What the HELL, Dave?????

“DAVE!!” You yell, as you walk back towards Dirk. He’s out of sight, what an asshole. You plop down in the place next to him, and sigh. 

“Stupid best friends and their stupid boyfriends,” You say, “I just had a really weird conversation.”

Dirk turns to you, still frazzled.

“Yeah. Me too.”


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17: Dirk.

“It’s not like any of it made sense, anyways,” He’d said.

“It sounded like he was trying to give us his blessing,” He laughed at that.

“Why would we need a blessing, anyways?”

And so, you descend down the stairs of immeasurable pain as John snuffs the little bit of hope in the candle you were holding for him. Swiftly and surely, in a breath of air. 

The night has fully arrived, with a full canvas of stars to compliment the fire, and the scent of marshmallows mixed with ash. You roast the perfect marshmallow, toasting it evenly on all sides. You don’t really want to eat it, but you’re sure someone will. It starts to burn, turning black and gooey, falling apart. It slides off the end of your shitty katana and falls into the fire, burning up. 

“Damn,” John says, “That one looked so good!” You shrug, and he looks at you, worried. You give him a half-smile. Damn it, can’t you be normal for five seconds? This is an important night for him. It’s important for you, so just keep it together, you piece of shit. You don’t even have a reason to cry. 

The light laughter and chit-chat falls quiet for a moment, and you almost panic that it's your fault, but then Terezi speaks. 

“W41T 4 M1NUT3. 1 SM3LL SP4RKL3S.”  
“WHAT THE HELL, TEREZI.” You second that, weird troll kid. You look up, trying to figure out what the hell’s going on.  
“No, She’s Right. That’s The Reason We Called You Here.” Kanaya, Rose’s girlfriend. She takes Rose’s hand in her own, where you see two rings sparkling on each of their hands.  
“We wanted to announce our engagement. You’ll get your invitations in the mail, of course, but still, we wanted to tell you all first.”  
Your jaw drops open. Married? Wow. That’s so amazing. Most of your friends are having the same reaction, rushing to them with congratulations, and Jake announces, “See, Jane? I told you the booze was a splendid idea!” Wow. Marriage. That’s.  
“That’s so amazing!!!” John exclaims, jumping up. You stand at the same time as him, and everyone seems to get quiet as you go to Rose. 

“Sorry about this,” You say, and you give her a tight, but short, hug. You know she’s never been a hugger, so you keep it that way. “I’m so happy for both of you, tell me if there’s anyway I can help, alright?” She gives you a wry smile and replies, “Just come dressed for the occasion. John can help you with that,” She gives a nod towards his direction, and a wink. “He’s never been that good at expressing how he feels,” She whispers to you, “But I don’t think that makes it a lost cause.” You eye her suspiciously, and she speaks with grandeur, “But whatever do I know? I’m just the Seer, after all.” 

You hate that she has a point. 

The rest of the night you spend in your own head, even as Jake gets furiously drunk, Dave sets up some music, and John drags you to dance, literally. He gives you a look that just screams, ‘god, your pathetic’. Or maybe he’s just worried. You give him a tired look, and he takes your hand, bringing you back to sit. 

“What’s going on?” He asks. You note that his hand is still in yours. Maybe Rose has a point. Maybe.  
“Earth to Strider?” He continues, pretending to knock on your head. “Anyone in there?”  
“I think, technically, it would be, ‘Earth C’ to Strider, right?” You reply, trying to keep yourself from thinking. John grins at you, dimples and all, replying that you are completely right but by all means still a total dumpass swine. That makes you smile, and you’re finally able to tear your head from your thoughts just as Roxy drags the both of you to dance again. 

You were never one for dancing, and as you look around, neither were most of your friends, though Roxy really has some moves. And so does Karkat, surprisingly, though he’s much more...reserved. Terezi shows both a lack of reservation AND a lack of moves. Holy Shit. You turn to John just as he sees what you’re seeing, and he laughs, loudly. He lets his body fall into yours with a small, ‘oof!’ and you hold him. You’re unsure of what exactly to do, but this doesn’t exactly feel like the wrong thing, and you know that it’s much closer to what you want. As he wraps his arms around you, it’s exactly what you want. ‘This is the wrong tempo for a slow dance’, you think. You probably look like a couple of idiots, don’t you. 

You close your eyes, trying to ignore everyone around you, and when you open your eyes again, it’s just him. 

And he’s beautiful.

On the ride back to your place, John is a little bit quieter, and it seems like, uncharacteristically enough, he’s the one thinking. When he pulls into your apartment complex, he says goodbye to you, but you feel like there’s more to it, so you wait a moment.

“Something on your mind?” You ask, and you hope you’re not intruding. He stays quiet for another moment, thinking to himself.

“Could we...dance again, sometime?” He asks you. 

“Yeah,” You say, and you're breathless, just like that. “I’d like that.”

When you get into your place, you can’t help but hug yourself with the warm feeling that’s welled up inside you. You send Rose and Kanaya each a thank you text, and while you’re thinking of what to say to John, he texts you first. You think of what Rose said, and once you have the chance, you ask.

TT: So what are we going to wear to the wedding?

**Author's Note:**

> Trying to get back into writing fanfiction; I'm still learning a lot (including this text skin thing? That was a big brain moment) but i'll be doing my best. Chapters may switch between speakers, it'll be specified at the beginning of each chapter. Anyway if you like art or have any questions im @ivoryjackalope on instagram, I'm usually most active there.


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